Afterglow...

Well, it's done. I made it through. WE made it through. When it was over, when everyone had gone, I sat in the empty room and cried. This chapter is closed on some levels and yet still unfolding on others. Life is not so easily compartmentalized, nor should it be, I guess.

I think the slide show was wonderful, but I didn't see a lot of it. My eyes were closed tight against the tears. Seeing those pictures of a young Andrea were just too much for me. The speeches were great. Each one had some wonderful moments, something unique. I guess I could have spoken longer, Andrea certainly gave me plenty of material to do that, but the length seemed right at the time, so I didn't.

I'm sorry I didn't videotape the event, for Jack if nothing else, but I will collect the speeches and save them for Jack, and that will be almost as good, so speakers please forward your speeches. I'll combine them with comments on the blog and make a wonderful scrapbook for Jack. A number of people who were close to Andrea did not speak, could not. I totally understand. There are things I cannot do, too. Others could not be there because business trips, weddings or something important interfered. No matter. In a perfect world everyone would be there. In a perfect world we'd have a perfect program. In a perfect world I would remember everyone's names (I botched only two last night, which is good, for me) and everything else would be perfection. But we live with the flaws, we have to. If you're Andrea, you just try to.

Thanks again to Linda, Curt and Charlie for the slideshow and display. We had some wonderful flowers and many people to thank for them. CJ Oliverson and husband Steve Moulton schlepped the urns and many other wonderful arrangements from Carpenteria.
We also had fabulous flowers from Harriet's friends Bettina & Blanche; Michael, Kate and Daisy Ross & Markie Post; Theresa Savage, Sharon Rinehart, Anna Torres & Yvonne Taylor. I hope I'm not botching a name or forgetting someone, but possibly I am, so if anyone is unacknowledged or I'm making an error, please let me know and I will make an instant correction.

Thanks to Lisa for finding the caterer and helping out afterwards with clean-up; to Lisa's daughter Natalie who helped Jack get through the evening, to Greg Stanton for the program design. Thanks to all who came from afar...who donated to Jack's college fund or sent a Trader Joes gift card or sent cleaners to our house or who helped in different ways or just offered help. I love you all.

Stan

Funeral Today

Hello, Again.

Harriet asked me to post a some directions to the church for people coming from the Westside. That's easy, get on the 134 East, exit at Orange Grove Blvd./Colorado Blvd.,
go left two blocks at the light and the church is on the left.

I look forward to seeing you all at the Church at 5, but plan on arriving early to allow for parking and getting situated.

Love to all.

Stan

Memorial Service Thoughts, Notes

I would like to get an idea of how many people would like to speak at Andrea's service, so if you are so inclined, please comment or send me an email. I'm told it can be dangerous to make such requests because some people make long-winded speeches
and the service will drag on for hours. So let's just say that if you have a great, short (3 to 4 minutes) story about Andrea, please share. Once we hit the two hour mark--IF we hit the two hour mark--we shall all cast a jaundiced eye at anyone who cannot realistically expect us to be rolling in the aisles or reaching for our handkerchiefs.

Secondly, if anyone has a great idea for the service, speak up. Maybe you went to a service somewhere and they did something neat. If so, we'd love to incorporate anything fun or Andrea-like.

Thanks!

Addresses

I've had a few requests for addresses in the last week, so here they are, albeit late in posting.

Our Address: 512 La Loma Rd. Glendale, CA 91206

Harriet Petrisky, 1335 S. Carmelina #8, LA, CA 90025

Stephanie Sajjadieh, 3530 Fairchild, La Crescenta, CA 91214

Joyce Johnson, Box 57228, Sherman Oaks, CA 91413

Memorial Service - Saturday April 25th - 5pm

Hello, Again.

We just finalized our memorial service time, date and place. It will be at the Neighborhood Unitarian Church in Pasadena, which is next to the Gamble House. I am pleased to have it there because Andrea and I loved the Gamble house, and the church architecture draws from that. Church offices are in a home that was also designed by Greene and Greene. Additionally, that church is the only one Andrea and I ever went to.

The church address is 301 N.Orange Grove in Pasadena, 91103

NOTE: RE CHILDREN ATTENDING

I would recommend that children NOT come to this memorial service. It could stretch to a three-hour affair with food/coffee afterwards, so most children would be bored, plus I think we will need all 275 seats available. I am nervous we will end up with an overflow crowd, actually, so if anyone cannot make it that day, I will be MOST understanding.

If any out-of-town guests need assistance with lodging please let me know.

Obituary - Sunday Los Angeles Times

Hello.

Andrea's obituary was in the Los Angeles Times today. Here's a link:

http://www.legacy.com/latimes/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=125994426

but the body copy follows (I kept it simple):

Andrea Petker Brothers, 52, of Glendale on April 9th after a long and valiant struggle against ovarian cancer. Born In Los Angeles, Andrea was the wife of Stan Bzura Brothers and a gracious woman of extraordinary warmth and generosity of spirit whose concern for others in all stations of life generated scores of enduring friendships. She was a longtime salesperson in the Los Angeles printing world who was recently given the lifetime achievement award from APALA. A Pitzer graduate who also had an MBA from Pepperdine, Ms. Brothers represented printers and paper companies and represented Schawk! Los Angeles at the time of her death. She is survived by husband Stan, son Jack, mother Harriet Petrisky of Los Angeles, twin sister Stephanie Sajjadieh, niece Olivia and step-mother Joyce Johnson. Details of a memorial service in late April or May will be posted at http://updateonandrea.blogspot.com


Jack and I just returned from a fun brunch and Easter Egg Hunt. It's been a quiet day, but very pleasant.

Post Post Mortem

Hello, Again.

I don't have information on the memorial service just yet because Unitarian church personnel have Good Friday and the weekend off. Check back on Monday afternoon for those details.

In talking with Dianne Kelly a few minutes ago, however, I realized that it was a mistake to have stopped posting. Lots of people want to know how Jack and I are doing, as well as Steph, Harriet, Olivia and Joyce. The answer is "Okay".
We've all had some time to cry, and will no doubt cry again, but we no one is breaking down. If they are, it's happening away from my presence and I am none the wiser. Jack has gone from asking where Mommy is to "when can we get a new Mommy"? He is outwardly unfazed, but at one point last night he said he missed Mommy. I told him "we all do" and had a brief dialog on the subject, then we went on to Legos or something else. I'm sure everyone has had some private crying time, but life does not stop. Today we sorted through Andrea's closet and drawers. I'm happy, and I'm sure Andrea would be too, to see a bunch of things go to Steph and Olivia. Harriet got a few things, as well, and Joyce wants to save a few Patagonia things when we go through the garage closets tomorrow. I took 26 garbage bags of clothes and shoes to the YWCA women's shelter store today. When the clerk saw how much stuff I had, she said "we're closed". I'm embarrassed that there is more to come, and that we have been making regular donations every few months anyway. Our Dear Andrea did not have many flaws, and I don't wish to alienate scores of female readers, but...well, draw from this what lesson you will.

I am doing fine, for the most part, keeping myself together, feeling pretty good about my mental state, talking about Andrea calmly and keeping my composure. Then something trivial sets me off and the next minute I'm not so composed any more. But I do recover fast and soon I'm calm and collected again. There's lots to keep me busy at the moment, and lots of plans and planning, which is good. We are transitioning from an Andrea-centric existence to I don't know what.

This is just a partial post, but I will add to this as thoughts occur. I'd like to get it online ASAP, so I'll stop here for now.

Thanks again for all the many forms of love sent our way. No more food, though, please. We have enough for a couple weeks now, but more importantly, my health insurance rates will be partly based on my cholesterol levels in a few months, so I need to eat well starting in...oh, two weeks.

Andrea A. Brothers 1956-2009

I'm sorry to have to tell you that Andrea stopped breathing and passed away peacefully at 9:56. I have called the hospice, Steph and Harriet.

Thank you so much for all the love you sent our way in the last few months.

Love to All.

Stan

====================

MEMORIAL SERVICE

Thanks to all for email, calls, comments and expressions of love in various forms. We are working on a couple dates for a memorial service in a few weeks. I will post the information just as soon as I know it.

S

Wednesday

Today was tough. Andrea is slipping away. She made it through one visit this morning, but afterward seemed to have a tougher and tougher time breathing and was not able to talk. Her eyes were not focusing and she often didn't seem in the moment. There are times she was, though, even if she could not express herself. I am giving her minimal drugs, just enough to ensure that she is not in pain.

More later, if anything changes.

Talk, Talk

Good Morning.

For some reason, Andrea has been talking a lot in the last 24 hours. Sometimes it made sense, as when she was talking to someone present, and sometimes it did not. But even when she was talking to someone, she could veer off course and start talking about non-sensical things. Last night she began talking, saying something every thirty seconds to a minute and it continued all night long and into the morning. It is often hard to understand Andrea now, as she is so weak and her mouth is often dry. It was even harder to understand her when she talked in her sleep. I did catch snippets though: "The bed is at an angle"; "why am I getting oxygen through the ear"; "I want to go peacefully"; "You can't do that inside the box"...
I assume this went on all night because she was doing it at 11 when I went to bed and she was doing it when I woke at 4am.

This morning, finally, she is comfortable, but I did give her a small dose of methadone when she started complaining about pain in her chest. Prior to that I moved her onto her side for a half-hour or so and massaged her back and legs lightly. Over the course of the morning I got called into the room at least twenty times to fuss with her pillows, the oxygen tube, ice water, glasses, phone, her position, etc. I finally told her I was starting to feel sympathetic to Norman Bates (The son in "Psycho").

So Ms. A is doing okay as I write. The nurse will be here in a couple hours and
we'll---

Stop the press. I just got called back into the bedroom because Andrea wanted to learn the cookie recipe on the bathroom door. Hmmm. I guess the methadone is kicking in. Andrea also said she was feeling a little queasy, so I guess we'll be back on the
phenergan track.

=====================

4pm

Nurse Linda came and went, and Andrea is napping. Nausea is not an issue at the moment, and I didn't give her any phenergan. We went over meds and discussed Andrea's breathing difficulties, state of mind, condition, but I don't think we learned that much on those scores. We may change a few dosages or meds. I asked how much Trinity would do in a final week scenario. If, for instance, Andrea needed intravenous drugs would a nurse come by twice a day? Apparently not, but one would stay 8 hours or she would have round the clock care, if necessary. So that eased my mind a little. I don't think there will be a dramatic end, though. I suspect, rather, and hope, that she will be medicated to the point where she's comfortable and pass away quietly. I'm dreading the moment when I find her no longer breathing, but I also know it will be a moment of release and relief. Andrea asked Linda to have the social worker come by for a visit, so I'm sure similar thoughts are in her mind. At one point today she said she didn't want to go on. She may have said "I'm ready to stop". I can't remember the exact words now, but we discussed how she was feeling and the meaning was clear.

Deep breath...

We'll see how she's feeling later and I'll write if anything of note happens.

Monday Morning Blues & Evening Update

Hello.

I think Andrea is in the midst of something similar to a bad trip this morning. She can barely talk, is not lucid and seems almost frightened at times. We called off one visit scheduled for today and may have to cancel other visits unless she improves. I'm hoping that will happen as the drugs in her system wear off.

I moved Andrea to a wheelchair this morning and hoped that she could sit outside for a while, but that did not happen. She just wanted to go back to bed.

Sorry to have to share such bleak news. Here's hoping for some better news later today. Whatever happens, I will share with you.

s
============Evening Update==============

I gave Andrea 1/4 of an Ativan tablet around 11:30am, thinking she'd be better after a couple hours sleep. I didn't give her the usual second dose of ritalin around noon or 1, or even methadone. She has slept most of the time since then, waking, or semi-waking for a brief period, then falling back asleep. We talked a little bit when she was mostly awake. She said she felt like a big blob and only her lungs moved. She also said she didn't feel like she had to go on living. I told her she didn't have to live for anyone else and that her feelings were totally understandable under the circumstances, but let's reassess tomorrow. I promised her we'd cut back on all the drugs so that she could have a better sense of what was happening with her body. A final note, I took Andrea off oxygen for a few minutes while I was moving her, but she did not do well. So. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Good Night

Sunday ( and it's almost church quiet )

Hello, Again.

It has been a very quiet Sunday and I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Harriet and Meredith came by for a while, and Sara and Jesse said "Hello" when dropping off Cole for a playdate with Jack, but Andrea didn't talk much today. She said she was happy just to listen to the conversation. So there were a couple periods when Andrea was alone in the bedroom for an hour or two, but she neither turned on the television nor read. She said she was content just to be alone with her thoughts. This from the woman who couldn't be alone in her car for five minutes without phoning me or someone else.

We know Andrea is getting physically weaker. She has to steel herself before I move her, then rest afterwards. She'll put off a simple turn onto her side for an hour or so because she's "not ready". On the plus side she's comfortable, and without pain or nausea. I would have given a lot for that little more than a week ago, so may it continue.

Good Night

Saturday Night's Alright

We seem to be on a roll now, quiet days and quiet ways. Andrea slept most of the morning and passed the afternoon quietly watching television with Steph or Lynne.
There's not much more to report. I did a small job and showed my prowess (or lack thereof) with a chainsaw, cutting down a few small trees for a friend. I expect a quiet evening for the three of us. I'll probably fall asleep any moment and Jack
will continue his mad progress with the Indiana Jones Lego Adventure.

I think I'll make up some news later.

Best to all...

s

Friday Night

Hi.

Just got back from Tee-ball practice, but I wanted to get something posted before getting started on something else.

Well, it's getting almost boring again: Another day for Andrea without pain or nausea or hallucinations. She is, however, getting frustrated with her body. Every movement seems to take its toll, bringing on a shortness of breath despite the oxygen being cranked to the max. Changing tops or bottoms, for instance. Or shifting off her back onto her side. Even lifting a leg onto a pillow requires extra effort and concentration and a period of rest is required before the next move.

I never gave the marinol dose last night because Andrea was sleeping. She seems to have done okay without it, though. We're waiting on some decadron, a steroid that may help Andrea both breathe better and handle nausea. I will administer tonight's bucket o'drugs soon.

Two visits today: Harriet & Joyce and Steph & Olivia. Nurse Linda is very nice but doesn't count for the official tally. I felt Andrea was fading so we had to cancel one evening visit, but we hope to make that up next week, maybe at lunchtime, if I heard correctly.

It is interesting to be at the nexus of such an interesting, loving and supportive group of people. I feel very fortunate indeed.

Congratulations to Wendy on the publication of her new children's book on kids and dogs. She was reading to groups of kids yesterday for the first time at a Washington book fair, and nervous at the prospect. All went well, though. May it be just the first of many book fairs to come, Wendy, and you mine the experience for more books or satisfying nuggets of one kind or another.

Til Tomorrow

"Almost Perfect Day"

That's what Andrea called it a few minutes ago before she drifted off to sleep. No Nausea and almost no pain until late in the day. We addressed that with a dilaudid, which probably also made her sleepy.

Judy was the only one real visitor today, aside from a brief 15 minute visit by Tammy and Frank before they graciously took Jack to see Monsters vs Aliens. They're not home yet, so I suspect a little food was involved also. I'm glad we worked on his writing assignment last night, because it's due tomorrow. Yes, kindergartners have writing assignments. Last week it was about Spring. This week it's about what kind of car you'd like, where you'd go, who and what you'd take with you.

I forgot to mention that I went to an interesting store yesterday while Joyce stayed with Andrea. It's a Habitat for Humaity "Restore", featuring used and new/donated building materials and furnishings. I got a set of nicely painted windows in great condition for our garage for $30. I'll have to paint them white (eventually) and buy a set of hinges, but I'm thrilled. Plus I have an outlet for things that I sometimes replace from client's houses and full cans of paint, of which I probably have a few
"Mistakes". Anyway, 770 N. Fair Oaks in Pasadena if you're local.

What else?....Happy Birthday Barb McD in Santa Barbara.

-o0o-

Wednesday Night

Sometimes it takes me a while to read the comments, but I just read the last of yesterday's and tonight's comments. What a treat! Thank-you for the laughs, ladies. I can't wait to read them to Andrea tomorrow. I printed the last four days blog and comments for Andrea this morning, and Harriet (one of the 4% households without a computer) was reading, too. Anyway, thanks again for all the comments. Great imagination Eli, and Irish Diane, more poetry. Speaking of...

I saw her out on the Dublin Road
She showed some leg so o'course I slowed
A fetching local lass with ewes
So I said "I'm lost" (but 'twas a ruse)
I asked the road to Balyskess
She said "why not use your G-P-S?"
Her voice had not a trace of Eire
Now which of us would be the liar?
Are you American? I said
"Born and raised, but here I wed"
Aye, well the country air does suit you
She gave a look that said adieu
then
"The States for me got a bit too noisy"
but I miss my cousin, Irish Diane of Boise.

Oh, I crack myself up. If Andrea wasn't feeling well, I doubt that I'd be in such a mood. So yes, she had another good day. A couple visitors and no pain or nausea. Very few hallucinations, but in truth, I enjoy them. There was some confusion at times, but no big deal. I'm not sure why she's doing better. Cumulative drug effect? Marinol? I have been trying to use the stomach tube more, also. I tapered back on that after the doc stopped IV fluids. Nothing going in, so why not clamp it off and make life easier for her?, I figured. Well, maybe because her body can't handle ANY extra liquid of any kind. So we'll continue that. And the phenergan. And decadron. And marinol. See how many good days we can get.

You have a good day, too.

s

Wednesday is brisket day

I wish, but more about that in a moment. Andrea had a normal night's sleep and is resting comfortably this morning. She awoke from a dream in which she didn't have cancer and all the kids at school were making fun of her. I think that's interesting from a number of standpoints. Andrea was upset, though, and wanted confirmation that she did indeed have cancer. She seems lucid this morning, and is pain and nausea free for the most part, but the off-the-wall thoughts keep coming anyway. For instance, when I walked into the bedroom a minute ago to give her copies of what I'd written for the blog and what you fans have written, she asked me if I'd made the trip to Gelsons for the brisket and if it was all sliced and laid out. I hated to break the news to her that there was no brisket. Now I'm hungry.

More later.

S