Well, it's done. I made it through. WE made it through. When it was over, when everyone had gone, I sat in the empty room and cried. This chapter is closed on some levels and yet still unfolding on others. Life is not so easily compartmentalized, nor should it be, I guess.
I think the slide show was wonderful, but I didn't see a lot of it. My eyes were closed tight against the tears. Seeing those pictures of a young Andrea were just too much for me. The speeches were great. Each one had some wonderful moments, something unique. I guess I could have spoken longer, Andrea certainly gave me plenty of material to do that, but the length seemed right at the time, so I didn't.
I'm sorry I didn't videotape the event, for Jack if nothing else, but I will collect the speeches and save them for Jack, and that will be almost as good, so speakers please forward your speeches. I'll combine them with comments on the blog and make a wonderful scrapbook for Jack. A number of people who were close to Andrea did not speak, could not. I totally understand. There are things I cannot do, too. Others could not be there because business trips, weddings or something important interfered. No matter. In a perfect world everyone would be there. In a perfect world we'd have a perfect program. In a perfect world I would remember everyone's names (I botched only two last night, which is good, for me) and everything else would be perfection. But we live with the flaws, we have to. If you're Andrea, you just try to.
Thanks again to Linda, Curt and Charlie for the slideshow and display. We had some wonderful flowers and many people to thank for them. CJ Oliverson and husband Steve Moulton schlepped the urns and many other wonderful arrangements from Carpenteria.
We also had fabulous flowers from Harriet's friends Bettina & Blanche; Michael, Kate and Daisy Ross & Markie Post; Theresa Savage, Sharon Rinehart, Anna Torres & Yvonne Taylor. I hope I'm not botching a name or forgetting someone, but possibly I am, so if anyone is unacknowledged or I'm making an error, please let me know and I will make an instant correction.
Thanks to Lisa for finding the caterer and helping out afterwards with clean-up; to Lisa's daughter Natalie who helped Jack get through the evening, to Greg Stanton for the program design. Thanks to all who came from afar...who donated to Jack's college fund or sent a Trader Joes gift card or sent cleaners to our house or who helped in different ways or just offered help. I love you all.
Stan
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It was a beautiful memorial Stan, and I want to thank you and Stephanie and all the others that made it possible for the rest of us to be there with you to have that moment together honoring Andrea, a very special, loving woman. We're all blessed to have known her. I know I am. With gratitude and love, Teri
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine a more perfect service for Andrea than what we had yesterday. I was just thinking as I logged on how much I would love to read everyone's speeches again. I will send mine to your email address so you can compile it with the other beautiful speeches. Maybe Linda, Charlie and Curt can provide a link to their wonderful slide show too.
ReplyDeleteStan, Steph and Harriet--your strength and grace leave me speechless (I can say that now after giving my lengthy speech)
Love, Lynne
Hi Stan. It was a very moving service, and so appropriate for beautiful Andrea. I learned so much about how to live from just being there and hearing the stories. I hope you are doing OK, this must be a challenging time, after the dust has settled...
ReplyDeleteThinking about you, Jack, Stephanie, Harriet and all. I wish you peace.
I finally rest a moment after talking about my friend Andrea all weekend without a tear, I talk about her amazing gift and how much she gave me and the pain I feeling missing her memorial service to people who did not know her. They shed tears and understood that I needed to talk about her-her gift of life... I can now finally cry, and morn her alone in my hotel room in Mexico. I read Stan's entry wishing I could share in the joy and sorrow! I hate when work gets in the way! If there is a chance people are willing, I would love to read the speeches that were thought out with loving memory. I will forever be a more loving person because Andrea touched my life, I miss her laugh, her great smile and I am blessed to have a great shot of her on my i-phone that I can reflect on daily. God, I miss her everyday and will continue to think about her great spirit everyday. "I love you Andrea" and she would say "right back at ya Barb". Thanks everyone for writing, I feel a bit closer to home... Stan, Steph, Harriet, my thoughts are with you and I love all of you!! Hope to see you soon.. Barb
ReplyDeleteFriends asked, how was it? My short answer is, 'all it needed to be, and all my heart could take.' I'd like to report that the tears and choke in my throat have slowed to every other 3rd half hour. I would like copies of the speeches too, and I'll send mine to Stan. I should say, Ours. Thank you over and over, Stan, for reading it so well. I asked Joe if I was crying up there, and he gave a little laugh. I said, what's so funny?!! "That you have to ask." Joe and I both want to sit down with Steph's scrapbook next time we're down, please. Thank you, everybody, for all your contributions - the service really hit the spot, the soft spot, and tied a ribbon on the most beautiful gift of friendship I have known in my life.
ReplyDeletehelp - where is everybody. It feels like we should all live together somehow, propping each other up as we stumble into this week after. I know this is more than I can expect, for Stan to keep this going, but I am so Andrea Update dependent I couldn't check in again without saying something. Like this is a safety string. A knotted rope in the ocean for all us to hang onto the lifeboat that Stan built. Nothing more to say than this. And that I keep reading your posts over and over, and wondering, how are you this minute, last minute, will you sleep through the night tonight - maybe tomorrow? Hoping they don't play that song again in gym class that sent me sobbing. On and on.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you,
Wendy
Wendy-
ReplyDeleteI'm right here with you. I find myself logging on everyday, looking to see if there are still 5 comments. Maybe I'll be lucky and there will be a 6th, or better yet a new blog entry. You were 6th today, and I am thankful.
As I left on Saturday, I almost felt like the entire crowd should exchange numbers. Somehow with Andrea gone, I'd lost my link to all of these people; wonderful people who I knew only through Andrea's telling, but I felt were linked to me in some way. I believe it had much to do with how well Andrea could tell the "country" version of a story. She would always talk about people as if they were the most exciting and wonderful humans to ever walk the earth, even if it was just the neighbor down the street. I would ask her for updates constantly. Now I find myself wondering how they are all doing. How are you all doing?
Stan, Harriet, Steph-
Thank you so much for the service. I was honored to have the experience to see and feel such an outpouring of love. I was inspired to make the kind of friendship and family bonds that I witnessed. I’d only known Andrea for about 3 years, but having known her has changed me forever.
Thank you for sharing her with all of us.
With love,
Melinda
I too keep checking... what is that about? The need to hang on, remember? The hope that we are all feeling the same way? I am sort of stuck in the Yucatan of Mexico until tomorrow morning so I feel any bit of home is good during this swine thing, which by the way is nowhere near us. I feel like the folks in San Diego are more of a threat than I. I was sitting in a church here alone in biosphere and laughed while I was thinking about Andrea. I just cracked myself up if she saw me there crying about her in this church. It made me snap out of it and say, oh girl if you could see me now and maybe she did and laughed with me. I left with a smile on my face as I headed to my room.
ReplyDeleteEveryone, keep good thoughts as I try to re-enter the country...none of us are a bit sick or going through Mexico city so that is good!
Wendy, I agree, maybe we should have exchanged e-mails, I know I so missed out on meeting all of the people that touched Andrea's life. I so was looking forward to meeting you and talking about your book. Maybe a Andrea event in the future?? I get it... blog addicted...
I know Lynne feels the same way about the old blog here.. love when Harriet called us 'you bloggers,' at the memorial. Thanks for sending in thoughts. I'm going to learn the silent language CJ has: talking to Andrea in her mind. Until then, or as I learn, my email is:
ReplyDeletewendy@wendywahman.com
or - I'm quite happy roosting here with all you little chickens (as Jack would say) for however long it works for Stan. Rents dirt cheap and the pages are clean. Checkout time, 12pm
Hi guys,
ReplyDeleteI too am update dependent and also had the idea of sharing the speeches. Why don't we just list our emails so Stan doesn't have to do this if he doesn't want to - although Stan, hearing about how you and Jack are doing make me feel better.
It was truly a beautiful ceremony - I described it as a party Andrea would have love to attended - very bittersweet. She was lucky to have all that love in her life and to put out all that love and support.
Stan - glad you had a good cry, we all have! I think about calling Andrea all the time and realize I can't - very tough.
My email address is Nancy.Friedman@hotmail.com and will send the speech to Stan as well.
Love
Nancy
Geez, it's about time my fellow bloggers added to this post! I too have been checking several times a day. I would love to see the slideshow, see Andrea's video, look at the scrapbooks and read the speeches again. I wanted to know who everyone was in the church too.
ReplyDeletemy email is lynnegullo@sbcglobal.net. I'm also going to check Andrea's FB page to get your links.
I wanted to share something the other day from a “client” perspective - so here it is. I met Andrea in 2000 when she was working for Arandell Schmidt. Andrea was my printer rep and I was her client. I remember meeting this incredibly tall, style of a woman and was immediately in aah by her. She was sporting a wig and it took her a few months before she mentioned it. Not once did I realize she was going through her treatment - truly an elegant woman. Andrea and I hve kept in touch over the years as I moved around with new jobs... (she always tracked me down or I her) and the exchange of Christmas cards/letter (thanks Stan). However, after hearing from everyone that spoke, I could not help but feel so jealous because I was not her “best friend” - thank you all for sharing your hearts. I am so grateful for knowing Andrea and I realized what a profound impact she has had on my life... even from the distance. She is my inspiration, and I am so grateful to have known her and I have always felt like her friend. With love and admiration, Aida in San Diego
ReplyDeleteJust like all of you who have already weighed in; when I feel the hollow loss, when, as Nancy said, we realize we can no longer just pick up the phone; this is where we come. Boy, I miss her, along with the rest of you.
ReplyDeleteI've spent the week just going over and over again in my mind all the things brought up by the various speakers. Stan and Steph set the tone brilliantly and Harriet's composure cemented it. Nina and I agreed as we were leaving that a total stranger attending the service could have gotten a real sense of Andrea A. Brothers and certainly would have thought, "I wish I'd known her." I wish I'd known her as a child after hearing cousin Allison and I wish I'd known her for 34 years after hearing Nancy and I wish I would have gone on weekend excursions after hearing Wendy/Stan and I wish there was a game night scheduled this weekend after hearing Lynne. Such eloquent stories that so beautifully conjured up the singular woman we'd come to remember.
ReplyDeleteIt's just that now I miss her so. Dwelling on her pain and loss have morphed into dwelling on ours and the days are more tear-filled and empty.
Wendy, I hope you kill at your reading this weekend. You are in my thoughts and in my thoughts, you are dry as a bone.
My email is diberto@cableone.net if anyone every wants to chat offline.
Stan, I will continue to lobby for a new blog: Update on Stan and Jack. Without Andrea calling in cute Jack stories, what will we do?
Happy early birthday Jack Brothers, my favorite six-year-old.
A friend who does not know Andrea sent me this. I think it is really kind and comfort we can all share.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful tribute you wrote Wendy, Andrea sounds as though she was so much fun. To the extent that the last thing she would want is for you to be sad. Her life was more about laughing than crying. In fact Andrea seems to have had so much vitality that I dont think she will ever be very far away from you.
I know you must miss her so much and this is a very hard time for you and I dont really know what words to say that will comfort you. Except maybe I wish that I had had an Andrea in my life, the closest of friends.
You were very lucky to have spent all these years with her, so take comfort from the time that you did have and the memories that you shared.
Nobody can ever take those away from you. Wendy life is so cruel at times and the worst things seem to happen to the nicest people.
Even so I think as time goes by you will mostly remember the laughter, not the pain, things will never be the same but you will cope.
Just as Andrea would have wanted you to.
– Ann
barb.mcd8@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI guess we do need a new chat group...still checking & reading speeches. Thanks everyone for sharing all your thoughts!!
Back to work this week but feeling somewhat hollow. The memorial was so wonderful, but I'm thankful that it didn't end with a finality that I feared it might. I, too, think of picking up the phone every few minutes. I have felt the need to share with others about the memorial, and I would worry about sounding like the Ancient Mariner, but those from work who attended seem to want to speak of it, too. They recite from memory bits of your speeches--Lynne's Balderdash, Wendy's woo alert, Nancy's racing down the halls after the strawberry dacquaris--and it is tough to concentrate on the stacks of ungraded papers that await me. But each day, each hour is a bit easier, and I know that I will be ok. My dad died 28 years ago, and not a day passes that I don't think of him. So will it be with Andrea, and just as he never leaves me, neither will she. How wonderful to know that one person can have such a tangible affect on so many others. And Andrea died knowing this. This is what sustains me.
ReplyDeleteI love reading these comments. I cannot even articulate what Andrea meant to me. I have her picture from the memoreal on my dresser and think of her first thing.
ReplyDeleteHer humor and deep appreciation of the fun of laughing... her constant calls to have me relate a joke she loved to someone else she loved. It's a wound in the world to have lost her.
I will carry her memory with me always. Startign to cry all over again...
Stan before it gets too blurry. You were the soul of love for her and I admire you greatly.
Gary
I've started a private Best Friends of Andrea A Brothers yahoo group. Please fwd this to all her friends and family, and this way we can let Stan move along with his recovery, called, life, and not have to steer this old ship. I'll steer with my pinky, and dark sunglasses, so we''re pretty much on our own to write our stories, post our photos, do our documentaries and discuss angel sitings, all right here is River City.
ReplyDeletePlease join! And send to everyone ! I'll post this on a comment area on both Stan and Jacks and Andrea's blogs, and her facebook.
Please also fill out the complete contact page so we can email, send cards, know where the heck everyone is.. Thank you
I am hoping for a humongous photo section of Andrea's life as everyone can share it.
Do you want the group to be listed in the Yahoo! Groups directory?
NO, make the group unlisted.
How can people join your group?
People can join only with my approval.
Who can post messages to your group?
Only group members. (Private discussion group)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BFOAAB
If there are problems getting on, email me: wendy@wendywahman.com
Title:
Best Friends of Andrea A. Brothers
Description:
This is a private group for people who knew and loved Andrea A. Brothers. Our place to share our memories and reach for support and comfort when we miss our beautiful friend, sister, wife, mother, daughter. Our everything. Our best friend. Please fill out the member information in the database so we can reach other offline, and make dates for reunions to celebrate our new and old friendships, lovingly, unsparingly born of Andrea