Wednesday began badly for Andrea. On awakening she tried to get out of bed by herself, fell and couldn't get up. I found her 20 minutes later at 6am, teary and upset on the floor. I gave her a shower to help wash the memory away, re-bandaged her, gave her meds and put her back to bed. We had had an agreement that she was supposed to summon me if she wanted to get out of bed, but apparently she couldn't find the button in the dim light of the room. No serious damage from the fall, but we now sleep with a light near her bedside and I bought a baby monitor to hear Andrea at all times.
The rest of the day was uneventful. A little visiting with family and sleeping, but we touched on some important subjects along the way. Basically, Andrea asked Steph and me if she could "let go". We said "yes", of course. I don't think she meant at that hour, but soon. Only she will know when that hour arrives, but I hope that with some new drugs we're trying she will be more comfortable and alert and we can postpone the inevitable. There was only one real bout of nausea yesterday, but it passed. We dealt with the pain by administering a little extra methadone. It worked, but it produces some mild hallucination and confusion. Andrea often doesn't know what day or time it is, for example. She asked if her bottle of water had a child-safe cap another time. I admit I've struggled with some bottle tops that were hard to get off, but at the time I don't think the cap on hers was on.
Jack and I had a talk about Mommy dying, but he was very calm. I was too, mostly, but it was clearly much harder for me than him. He knows, but he doesn't. A social worker for the hospice will be by late today. Maybe she can help explain it all.
I'm starting to think about an appropriate time and venue for a memorial service for Andrea. There's no rush, and seeing as how we are not religious, a Tea might be the most Andrea-like. Where to have a Tea for 200-300 people is the question. Anyone with thoughts on this is free to opine (stanbrothers@gmail).
Thanks for all your gracious comments on past posts.
Well, it's 6am and Thursday is breaking. We shall see what awaits. (Now why is it called "Thurs"-day?....Hmmm. I'm off to Wikipedia)
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Dear Andrea, Stan and Jack,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for being a part of my life. Andrea you were so kind to me during my time at Arandell. I still have the baby crib that I was able to purchase for my daughter Morgan through your generosity. Thank you for your unselfishness you are a blessing. Stan I only met you once while I was out in CA to visit clients with Andrea but you were very gracious and I enjoyed the time we had to talk. Thank you for writing this blog to keep those of us far away updated. Jack I have never met you but I remember how excited your parents were when they told me about their boy! You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Scott
Stan, Steph, I can help with graphics, art or layout if you need help. You probably have people closer, but here I am with open arms, if you need. My heart is long broken, but my fingers still work.
ReplyDeleteYour Wendy
wendy@wendywahman.com
425-637-1158 / cell: 425-443-2146
Dear Stan and Andrea,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Stan for posting this. Andrea, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
Steve
I keep trying to post a comment but they don't take somehow - trying again.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to thank Andrea, if this can be read to her, for all the years (many) of friendship and laughter. I'll try to model her strength and focus on what I did have with her and not what I won't have going forward.
I'll see her MOnday!
nan
PS = Andrea did mention to me that right next to the Greene and Greene house (which she took me to visit years ago) there is a Unitarian church that she thought she might like for a ceremony. I even asked if you had to be a member and she said she didn't think so. I also think she and Harriet and Steph used to attend Unitarian services years ago.....
ReplyDeleteNancy
Stan,
ReplyDeleteYou are truly an angel…thank you for being so thoughtful to all the people that love Andrea. Please tell Andrea that I think of her every morning, when I make coffee with the beautiful white coffeemaker she picked out for me at the cooking.com warehouse sale many years ago. That was such a great day, as were so many of the days we spent together. And she’ll be happy to know that I am still dating Fernando. Please send her my love, and let her know I am holding her hand every day…and am so thankful for her friendship and all the things she has taught me. Love also to you Stan, and Jack and Steph and family.
xoxo
Karen O’Neill