Speeches, New Blog and ?...

Hi, Everyone.

Wow! Some amazing comments were posted in the last few days. I hadn't looked because I was preoccupied with finding things for my mom to do and getting more stuff done around the house that I didn't get to before people started to arrive. I'm making progress in more ways than one. Each of us deals with grief differently. I'm trying to keep busy, trying not to think about it. Typical guy fashion, maybe. I can't escape, of course, but I can often deflect a line of thinking. Thank goodness for ADD...

Anyway, I'm rearranging and reclaiming the master bedroom closet and master bath. Moving in, changing things around. Doing the same thing for Jack's closet; changing it from a parent's closet for a toddler to a boy's closet he can access himself. I like the IKEA system I installed a few years back. You can add drawers, bars, shelfs--- whatever.

I'm catching up on the weeding and gardening, with Mother's assistance. We went to the downtown Flower Mart yesterday and ended up bringing back a bunch of live plants.
Put them in the ground in the afternoon...

I worked today for a few hours today and have more scheduled in the next few days. I'll probably work six days a week, at least part-time, until I catch up.

Jack is about as normal as can be. Nothing much is different, but he gets anxious if he can't find me, like if I'm out in the garage or in the front yard. I'm making an effort to let him know where I am, but I am nothing if not impulsive, so even I can't predict where I'll be in 5 minutes.

I changed our outgoing message today, the one that used to say "Stan, Andrea and Jack". Now it just says "Stan and Jack". You can still hear Andrea's voice if you call her cell phone. I haven't done anything about that, but her company will no doubt be canceling that before long. I'll probably sell her Iphone, so if anyone wants it, let me know. And speaking of selling, I'm planning a garage sale on Saturday the 9th.

I have gone so far as to create a new blog site (http://stan-n-jack.blogspot.com/)
because "updateonAndrea" will seem less and less appropriate as time passes. I haven't posted a thing there, but will sometime in the next few days. maybe I can get a decent picture of the two of us, but don't count on it.

That's it for the moment. We're off to pick Jack up from school in five minutes. Maybe go the Y or the park afterward.

Love to all you wonderful people (but stop making me out to be some Hero)

S


================== Speeches received so far =============


Wendy Wahman

I used to call Andrea The Peasant... for her inherent physical strength. She didn't work out a day in her life, or not what a jockette like me would call a workout. When I met her she had a t-shirt business and I had come in to order shirts for the company I worked for 20 years ago.. She'd hoist and carry these huge boxes of T-shirts – 6 dozen in a box I think it was. We fell in love. Or should I say, fell in 'laugh?' We talked on the phone every night. I'd lay on my back on the floor with my legs on the bed - the best place to be when you're going to spend the next hour laughing too hard to sit upright. We started a catalog tshirt/mug/apron/card business with my art. Mailing lists, the tedium of addressing and sorting for bulk mailing, the thrill of a call or written order for shirts. We had a blast. She was the best business partner I've ever had. And we just got closer as friends.


But I was talking about her strength. One time we all (me, Joe, Andrea & Stan) drove to the Grand Canyon. Blistering hot. She hated camping, I think she and Stan ended up sleeping in the car with the heater on and off all night. But next day she walked down and up the grand canyon. In new boots. Carrying a delicious deli lunch for us for a picnic at the bottom. I can still see her, one horse strong foot in front of the other, climbing up that long hot trail. Stan with her every step of the way. Did I mention she was strong? Did I tell you how much Stan loved Andrea?


Actually, I did drag her to the gym once - mostly to check out the mexican aerobics teacher Victor, who I had a crush on. She warned me that sit ups cracked her up – ever since jr. high gym class where she and Steph would hold each others feet, intently watching each others faces for a little grunt. That little extra exhale that would inevitably send them rolling on the floor in hysterics. Busted by the gym teacher. Right. Guess what we did at the gym? I took great pains not to grunt, but no matter, we ended up as laughing balls on the rubber mat. Oh, she thought Victor was way cute too.


Andrea laughed like no one I have ever known. She brought light and happiness into a room. We all loved to hear her laugh, and then we would laugh, laugh so hard we cried and -- oops -- there's her workout: abs aching! She could get me laughing till I did the silent wheeze... which many of you probably have not heard, cause that only happens when I am in the ultra endorphin range of laughter. When that would happen she'd point at me, eyes dancing eyebrows arched, laughing even harder, and glance at anyone else in the room, like, "look what I did!" Andrea excelled at pointing out what she loved about her friends and family.


And that's how we knew about each other. Stories. She had favorite stories and mini dramas she would tell us about different friends. Not gossip - funny stories or cool intrigues... t-b-continued kind. She loved good news about anything, and it was as if it had happened to her, she would be so proud and happy and say, "I have to call Steph." Or, call out "Stan! ..." then repeat what you had just told her. She couldn't hold it in, she just overflowed, and it made me feel really good. If I would remember someone's name, or their stories, Andrea would quickly say, "Very good." Like she didn't expect me to remember these people or bits, but was surprised and pleased I would remember. But she remembered Everything. Seriously. It was so satisfying to tell her about people and things, she kept the stories like the best gifts ever. I wonder if I would remember many of 'my' stories had she not kept them alive and dancing all these years. Who will tell our stories now? She was our glue. She was my rock.

Stan & Joe were best friends. When Andrea met Joe she knew I would like him. They set up a date for us four to Gorky's, a russian cafeteria in LA at the time. For me it was love at first sight. Joe remembers my big smile, as he got in the car. Andrea and I were in the back seat, squeezing each others hands, making wide eyes and jaw drops... and trying not to giggle like the 33 year old jr. high girls we were. She probably mouthed words like, "I told you." Which would have gotten raised eyebrows and a head shake from me, and lips back: "I can't read lips, Andrea!" Still can't.

Andrea loved dogs. She thought all of them were special and cute. She called them Woos, and when she saw one she'd say, "Woo Alert." On a ski trip to Big Bear, I got kind of grumpy, and I'm not personally of the opinion that ALL dogs need to be pointed out... We were jammed in the car with 6 of us, I think - Gary and Tina went on that trip. Finally I said, "Enough with the woo alert. They are not all Alert worthy, Andrea." I regret saying that now. To her, everyone had something to woo about. In Andrea style though, she was soon asking, 'how about that one, is that one woo worthy?' Wink.


Stan, I can never put into words how grateful I am of how you took care of Andrea. You took care of ALL of us by taking such incredible care of our girl. How you held her hand then gave it a little squeeze or that little hand wiggle thing you do. Andrea was so happy and content with you and Jack. So many times over the last 20 years I'd hear Andrea say, "Stan can do it." And you always did. And then some. She never doubted or questioned her life with you. How many married people can say that?

Steph... like fingers on a hand, so close. More like thumb and index, together to function properly. I always knew when you were on the phone (daily, multiple times), Andrea's voice would sound more like yours. Twin A and Twin B, Andrea and Steph. Steph and Andrea.


Olivia, Andrea wanted so badly to go with your mom to a shop on Melrose to pick you out 'a little something' for your birthday. She is so proud of you.
Harriet; I would do anything to be a little bit of Andrea for you. I'm sure all her girlfriends feel the same. Please know you are not alone, and I'm keeping you close in my thoughts.
Joyce, family and friends: My heart aches with you. Thank you for letting me share my love and grief with you today.

============
Stephanie Sajjadieh

Always Together, Together Forever
Andrea recently reminded me of a particular moment in our lives that seems to stand out for both of us. It happened one day in fifth grade as we were walking to Ivanhoe Elementary School, and Andrea lost count near the intersection of Rowena and Hyperion. It might be important to mention that Andrea used to begin mentally counting as soon as we stepped out of our Evans Street apartment. On this day, we crossed the intersection, just as we did every weekday morning, but a few yards from the streetlight, Andrea stopped, went back to the light, and then continued the walk. It was significant for her because I waited patiently, without question, as she retraced her steps. It was significant for me because although I remember the incident, I have no memory of why it was significant.
But, in a way, this is symbolic of many aspects of our relationship. Much in our lives has been unspoken. There are many reasons for this, but now, I wonder, if perhaps the greatest is because we share a profound understanding that defies articulation. Throughout our lives, people have been fascinated with, even envious of, our being twins. They have attempted to comprehend this unique bond by asking questions such as, “When you are in pain, does you sister feel it, too?” which reduce the complexities of our relationship to a cheap magician’s parlor trick. Because of this marginalization, I have often claimed that anyone with a sister who is close in age and has many shared memories, would feel our particular sensitivities. But I was wrong. Ever since Andrea became ill in 2000, I have had to re-evaluate my answer to that question and many others. No, I can’t possibly feel the physical pain that she has had to endure for over seven years, but the pain that I feel because of this is often unendurable and directly related to our being twins. I don’t have to explain this to Andrea; she understands.
There is still much that goes unspoken between us, but I have noticed in the past year that our conversations have become less guarded. One thing I do know, however: I will never be able to fully express how much I love, admire, and cherish her. But, then again, maybe I don’t have to.

================

Lynne Gullo

Beyond Balderdash

Dinner at the Brothers’ house was always such an exuberant affair. The door between the kitchen and dining room is in constant motion. Jack is either off happily watching “The Incredibles,” or running around in his underwear and cape playing with his friend, Carina. The adults are gathered in the kitchen watching the evening’s effortless meal unfold.
I would marvel at the apparent ease of these meals as I always find it very stressful on the rare occasions I throw a dinner party. But at the Brothers’ house it was a non-event. Andrea would whip something up from “The Silver Palate Cookbook,” “Oh, it only took a few hours.” Or Stan would create one of his Kirkland concoctions. For Andrea and Stan, meals were a bountiful outpouring of their love and teamwork.
The dining room had a life of its own. The Heywood-Wakefield table and chairs, researched and hunted down at Pennylane or an estate sale, long before ebay and craigslist made such treasures readily available. The table, protected by yards of Patagonia water-resistant fabric; Andrea’s plate addiction neatly stacked up in colorful piles. We spent more than one night betting on the fate of a cup and saucer precariously perched in the cabinet before Stan rigged up an ingenious way to rescue them before they hit the ground.


Conversation flowed easily, frequently punctuated by spurts of belly laughs. Andrea had the most amazing memory for stories that made her laugh. “Remember that story Paul Vogelsang told about when Calvin was three?” Calvin is now a senior in high school, so of course you couldn’t remember, but Andrea did! “Remember Gary’s story about the 711 clerk?” “Tell us about when you put the sweaters on your dogs!” Gales of laughter would follow from the best audience anyone could ever ask for—Andrea and Steph.
Inevitably during the dinner, Stan would sneak off to Google something, either at our insistence or to prove a point. I wish I had kept a list of the topics, because they were as random as could be, but always added to the evening’s entertainment.
You could always count on Harriet and Joyce to provide the latest movie reviews and political commentary. Olivia always fit in at the grown-up table, easily conversing about Jane Austen, then catching me up on the latest episodes of “Dawson’s Creek” or “Gossip Girl.”
And then the games would begin. There were a couple of attempts at Texas Hold’em for Stan, but it was the word games that provided the most entertainment.
Boggle proved to be nerve-wracking for some. Wendy and I would look at our list of 12 words, while Stan and Judy rattled off 30. Conversation would end up being repetitive, “I can’t believe I didn’t see that!” and “Good one!” Mentally you’d be vowing to make an eye appointment on Monday.


But it was Balderdash that had the staying power on game nights. Balderdash is a game where you make up the definition for an obscure but real word. One player reads everyone’s definition along with the real one and you vote on which you think is correct. You get points by creating the most believable definition.
We tried Beyond Balderdash on some occasions where you also guessed the plot to a movie, an historical event or a person’s occupation, but it was always Balderdash that brought the most laughs.
This is where Andrea really shined. She took more joy out of your definition than she did of her own. After a while you could guess someone’s writing style. Andrea would pick their definition just because it made her laugh even though she knew it was wrong.
But even after hundreds of rounds of Balderdash, we never got this card: ANDREA A. BROTHERS. My definition would be: Hilarity ensued when this effervescent, courageous redhead embraced you and surrounded you with life’s most important things: family, friendship, love and laughter.
I leave you to write your own definition of Andrea.

=========================


Nancy Friedman

Reflections about Andrea….


I met Andrea and Steph when I was 17 – I had just graduated from High School and was accepted to Pitzer College. Andrea was already a student at Pitzer and we had been set up to meet because her cousin Sue lived across the street from me.

Niether of us really wanted to go – so I dragged my sister and Andrea dragged Steph, my brilliant line when I walked in the door was “Oh are you guys sisters?”. We all laughed, hit it off instantly and were fast friends ever since. It was amazing to reflect that I knew and loved Andrea for exactly 2/3 of my life; we went through so many milestones together. We only lived in the same city (at college) for 1.5 years but the distance never really separated us. All of life’s important happenings – men, love, marriage (hers and then mine), children (mine and hers) careers, aspirations, death of parents, 40th and 50th birthday parties, illness, health and happiness we were able to share them all and be there for each other.

Andrea and I had a lot of fun during college. I remember getting donuts at 2 in the morning (She had a car and I didn’t). How we ate those things I have no idea. Andrea loved to dance and we would go to the Friday night dances. In order to get ready, we would have a bit to drink; neither of us drank much so she would make strawberry daiquiris in a blender, which I thought was quite sophisticated and then we would each have one and then run up and down the hallway to “activate them”.

Andrea took me to Europe for the first time when we were 26 and I can still hear us laughing our way across the countries; there were the looks and pinches from the Italian men, our laughter even when her passport was stolen and when we almost got kicked out of Joyce’s fancy hotel because we were wearing jeans. She also took me to SF for my first time – somehow we found ourselves sleeping on the floor of a dumpy warehouse – but we still had a great time.

Andrea was always there for me, always open to my stories… and as she would say she wanted the “country version” of the story – all the details. Our stories would always begin… Okay the phone rang, then what. She was always proud of me and I was always proud of her.






Andrea taught me a lot – she took me to the Gamble house next door nearly 25 years ago and introduced me to Craftsman architecture and furniture (way before I ended up having a craftsman bungalow of my own). She taught me about photography, art and culture. She introduced me to Europe but also to Pasadena, Glendale and Hollywood and took me to countless restaurants over the years. But the most important thing she taught me was how to live life to the fullest – how to love with all your heart, body and soul. She loved Stan and Jack fiercely in this way, as she did Steph, Olivia, Harriet and Joyce. I think we all felt loved by her in this way – she was able to see the best in each of us, appreciate us for who we really are and help us laugh along the way - - that is way we’re all here!

I feel fortunate that I could count Andrea as one of my closest friends for so long and to have had the opportunity to spend so much time with her these last few months. Andrea was by far the funniest, wittiest, wisest and most generous person I’ve ever known. When I would visit we told our same stories, laughed almost every visit and recalled all the love and fun we had shared. My take away from this entire 10 year experience is to be as brave, generous and loving as she was! Andrea was an amazing person and she graced all of our lives.

I want to end with a Hopi Prayer poem that I’ve always loved and found helpful. I hope you like it too:

HOPI PRAYER

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the daimond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle Autumn's rain
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight
I am the stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry:
I am not there, I did not die.

She is with us all and when I see beauty or hear laughter, I will think of Andrea.

===============================

Stan’s Speech

I won a speech contest in the 7th grade………but I think I’ve forgotten everything I knew about giving speeches. One thing I do know, though, is that tonight I am surrounded by love, by people who loved Andrea. There are so many special people in this room I am honored to be here…. honored to speak. In a sense I am preaching to the choir, because you know how special Andrea was, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

I’m going to pause for a moment now to do something a little different now, something that is rarely done at funerals or memorial services, I want to take a brief picture. So bear with me if you will.

I took those pictures because I wanted to record this moment. But no camera can record the true picture of what is in this room. The real picture is in the stories of each person here, how she—or he—knew Andrea, and how that person came to love her. Together those stories paint a picture of a person more accurate than any camera could capture. I have my stories, too, because I was the recipient of that love to an extraordinary degree, and that love changed my life in ways too numerous to count. I feel so fortunate and will be forever grateful. I know others are grateful, too. There are two marriages in this room—two happy marriages and one extraordinary boy—that came about because of Andrea’s match-making, because of her desire to see others happy.

I always called her “the nicest person in the world”. In typical Andrea fashion she would say to me, “No, you are” then summon up an example of something trivial I’d done, something she said she wouldn’t think to do.

That made me angry.

Well……almost angry. I couldn’t find words withering enough to mock this absurd claim. An isolated incident is not the same as giving your all to others every waking minute, which she did.

Although I have many stories about Andrea, tonight I will leave the story telling to others. Everything they will say is true, and more. I loved the quote from Judy Spiegel addressing this. Judy said, "You know, you hear people talk at memorials and you think, well, they weren't THAT perfect…..but Andrea was."

Almost.

No, Andrea wasn’t perfect. She was the least co-ordinated person I ever knew. But she tried, and that’s all that matters. She failed in her one attempt at becoming a cheerleader, which is ironic, because in reality she was the world’s best. Absolutely, positively, the world’s best. The Golden Rule or some small variation on it, appears in 21 religions. Treat your neighbor’s gains as our gains; their losses as our losses, and while Andrea was not religious she lived that principle. She was that principle. If a friend lost 2 pounds it was as if she lost ten. I can’t tell you how many times—dozens---DOZENS--when Andrea would be on the phone and I would hear a shriek of joy from the next room and come running, thinking someone something BIG had happened: someone had won a car in a raffle, 10,000 dollars from a Lotto scratch-off card—something BIG…only to hear that Steph got a 200 dollar dress for 25 dollars….or maybe a friend found a salt shaker at a flea market that matched the pepper she already had . After 15 years or so I stopped reacting. I guess I’m a slow learner. She always said I was smart, but we know who the smart one really was. We know who had the intelligence that mattered.

Andrea also had a phenomenal memory until chemo after chemo after chemo reduced that to an ordinary memory. I have to confess that I relied on that memory so much and I am a little panicked tonight because I can forget the name of anyone I don’t see regularly. Even people I love. In the pressure of a moment I will momentarily forget everyone’s name. I briefly forgot Steph’s name in a stressful moment a few years back.

But enough about my shortcomings. We’re here to honor Andrea. I know some people just could not make it tonight, which is unfortunate because they will miss this unforgettable event marking the life of an unforgettable woman.

=================

Diane's Speech

I met Andrea nine years ago in a support group for breast cancer patients. I certainly remember well seeing her face when I walked through the door but she told me later that she knew the moment she laid eyes on me that she wanted to be my friend. I assure you this was a rare lapse in Andrea's usually stellar judge of character but after coming to this decision, she went about making it so. First she planted the seed by saying something cool and subtle like "hey, I really want to be your friend" and then went about nuturing it and tending it until a great friendship blossomed. I went into the group thinking I would get some help coping with nausea and baldness and came out with one of the most profound relationships of my life.

While it may seem that meeting in such a way would darken our times together, I can tell you that the years we shared were as laughter-filled as those enjoyed by friends from her earlier life. There were the frequent dinners including welcoming us into that wonderfully extended American family at Thanksgiving. And there was the talk of shopping and sales and shoes - often shoes and I will never be able to see a cute pair of size elevens without wanting to quickly call Andrea. Perhaps above all was our shared love of "Young Frankenstein" and the lifetime supply of belly laughs found in reciting the same lines over and over. Having gone through breast cancer together, our favorite line was easily "what a pair of knockers (sank you doktor)". Stephanie, it was wonderful sitting at dinner with you and continuing the tradition and don't be surprised if you get phone calls where all you hear on the line is a horse's whinny (followed by prank-call like peels of laughter).

And so the years went by until, sadly, Andrea's ovarian cancer diagnosis sent her back into treatment. I remember one time when our friend Carrie and I visited her during a chemotherapy infusion and of course began telling jokes. I told a particularly dirty joke and we all laughed our way through the session. Several weeks later, I mentioned something about how funny my particularly dirty joke was and Andrea said, "You know Diane, I didn't find it very funny." I asked if she was crazy because she had roared when I told it but she said, "Oh, I laughed that hard because of how funny you thought it was."

So these are the lessons for me and they were made indelible in the past few months. Reach out to people you find intriguing and when a friendship develops, laugh hardest at the things that amuse them. And if all of us who love Andrea would do this more often, wouldn't that be the best possible world for her son Jack to grow up in?

==================

Alison Sonenfeld

I met Harriet, Ira, Stephanie and Andrea when I was around 4 years old. We spent so much time together during our childhood that I really consider them my immediate family.

When I was with Andrea, at any time during her life, she was the same person that I first met when we were little girls. Even at a very young age Andrea had an innate ability to see the details in things and traits in people that were often overlooked by others. She treated people with so much sensitivity.

She also had a great sense of style. I was taking to Steph about this recently...When we were kids we made up with a game of Secret Agents which we usually played in vacant lot next to my house. Not only did Andrea know how to fashion into a cape rivaling Emma Peel’s of the Avenger’s from a tablecloth, but she was also somewhat of a wiz with the Agent gadgetry. The game became more complex over the years. She and Steph brought a collection of small international flags back from a cruise on their way back to the US from Israel. We seized the opportunity to use these flags as everything from weapons ... to telephones ... to transporters ... to instruments that could make us invisible. When I would naively speak into the wrong end of one of these small toothpick-like flags, she was quick to correct me and explain that, actually the little nub on the top was the microphone (or something to that effect). She would describe something like this in a way that made perfect sense to me. So, I quickly learned to defer to her opinions about things like that.

I remember a conversation that took place when we were a bit older that was about the features and benefits of straws. She listed and described straws to me. She analyzed the various features and benefits of each type of straw. She had discovered that there was a vast difference between them. Paper straws collapsed over time when they get wet, rendering them useless. Flexie straws bent in different places depending on the type or brand, etc. She had a great sense of how details matter and a great sense of color and style. I think this served her in her career.

A number of years after that we had a conversation about her friend Danny. I knew Danny through Andrea. I had seen him now and then over a period of about 10 years. He met Andrea at my Mother’s restaurant and he was a regular customer. I saw him at Andrea’s parties a few more times after that. At a time when Dan and I were both available, she came up with the plan that he and I should go out. She let me know that we had quite a bit in common in terms of our senses of humor, our similar outlook on many things. We went out... and then, we were individually debriefed by her the next day ...and so here we are over 20 years later... and I know that we are not the only couple here that she introduced. She was quite the matchmaker! I am so happy that she and Stan found such an ideal match with each other!

Andrea was so funny! I miss her wonderful laugh... and laughing with her. I miss her insights. I listened to her and I valued her opinions. She was a thoughtful person in every sense of the word. I will miss her beyond belief.

================

Liliana Fernandez

Most of the friendships we develop in our lives go through a process prior to forming a strong bond. Though I had only known Andrea for two weeks before giving birth to a beautiful baby boy by the name of Jack, our bond was instant and she was much more than a dear friend to me.
Individuals describe adoption as bittersweet, my experience was far more sweet than bitter and it was because of Andrea’s heart and soul that I felt this way.
I remember our last conversation in Andrea’s room, so much love was shared. She looked at me through teary eyes and said that she could not remember her life before Jack and she thanked me…….I thanked her too.
Despite the outcome, I have no regrets about the decision I made. I believe GOD led me to Andrea for two reason; one was so Jack would have the greatest, most amazing woman I ever could have wished for to be his mother, and two was to give Andrea the best and happiest 5yr. 11 months of her life.
I admired, loved, adored, and respected Andrea and will forever hold her dear to my heart and memories.
Harriet, Steph, and Olivia – Thank you for welcoming me into your lives.
Stan – I want you to know that I share with you the exact same bond I had with Andrea.
I love you and Jack immensely,
Thank you.

Afterglow...

Well, it's done. I made it through. WE made it through. When it was over, when everyone had gone, I sat in the empty room and cried. This chapter is closed on some levels and yet still unfolding on others. Life is not so easily compartmentalized, nor should it be, I guess.

I think the slide show was wonderful, but I didn't see a lot of it. My eyes were closed tight against the tears. Seeing those pictures of a young Andrea were just too much for me. The speeches were great. Each one had some wonderful moments, something unique. I guess I could have spoken longer, Andrea certainly gave me plenty of material to do that, but the length seemed right at the time, so I didn't.

I'm sorry I didn't videotape the event, for Jack if nothing else, but I will collect the speeches and save them for Jack, and that will be almost as good, so speakers please forward your speeches. I'll combine them with comments on the blog and make a wonderful scrapbook for Jack. A number of people who were close to Andrea did not speak, could not. I totally understand. There are things I cannot do, too. Others could not be there because business trips, weddings or something important interfered. No matter. In a perfect world everyone would be there. In a perfect world we'd have a perfect program. In a perfect world I would remember everyone's names (I botched only two last night, which is good, for me) and everything else would be perfection. But we live with the flaws, we have to. If you're Andrea, you just try to.

Thanks again to Linda, Curt and Charlie for the slideshow and display. We had some wonderful flowers and many people to thank for them. CJ Oliverson and husband Steve Moulton schlepped the urns and many other wonderful arrangements from Carpenteria.
We also had fabulous flowers from Harriet's friends Bettina & Blanche; Michael, Kate and Daisy Ross & Markie Post; Theresa Savage, Sharon Rinehart, Anna Torres & Yvonne Taylor. I hope I'm not botching a name or forgetting someone, but possibly I am, so if anyone is unacknowledged or I'm making an error, please let me know and I will make an instant correction.

Thanks to Lisa for finding the caterer and helping out afterwards with clean-up; to Lisa's daughter Natalie who helped Jack get through the evening, to Greg Stanton for the program design. Thanks to all who came from afar...who donated to Jack's college fund or sent a Trader Joes gift card or sent cleaners to our house or who helped in different ways or just offered help. I love you all.

Stan

Funeral Today

Hello, Again.

Harriet asked me to post a some directions to the church for people coming from the Westside. That's easy, get on the 134 East, exit at Orange Grove Blvd./Colorado Blvd.,
go left two blocks at the light and the church is on the left.

I look forward to seeing you all at the Church at 5, but plan on arriving early to allow for parking and getting situated.

Love to all.

Stan

Memorial Service Thoughts, Notes

I would like to get an idea of how many people would like to speak at Andrea's service, so if you are so inclined, please comment or send me an email. I'm told it can be dangerous to make such requests because some people make long-winded speeches
and the service will drag on for hours. So let's just say that if you have a great, short (3 to 4 minutes) story about Andrea, please share. Once we hit the two hour mark--IF we hit the two hour mark--we shall all cast a jaundiced eye at anyone who cannot realistically expect us to be rolling in the aisles or reaching for our handkerchiefs.

Secondly, if anyone has a great idea for the service, speak up. Maybe you went to a service somewhere and they did something neat. If so, we'd love to incorporate anything fun or Andrea-like.

Thanks!

Addresses

I've had a few requests for addresses in the last week, so here they are, albeit late in posting.

Our Address: 512 La Loma Rd. Glendale, CA 91206

Harriet Petrisky, 1335 S. Carmelina #8, LA, CA 90025

Stephanie Sajjadieh, 3530 Fairchild, La Crescenta, CA 91214

Joyce Johnson, Box 57228, Sherman Oaks, CA 91413

Memorial Service - Saturday April 25th - 5pm

Hello, Again.

We just finalized our memorial service time, date and place. It will be at the Neighborhood Unitarian Church in Pasadena, which is next to the Gamble House. I am pleased to have it there because Andrea and I loved the Gamble house, and the church architecture draws from that. Church offices are in a home that was also designed by Greene and Greene. Additionally, that church is the only one Andrea and I ever went to.

The church address is 301 N.Orange Grove in Pasadena, 91103

NOTE: RE CHILDREN ATTENDING

I would recommend that children NOT come to this memorial service. It could stretch to a three-hour affair with food/coffee afterwards, so most children would be bored, plus I think we will need all 275 seats available. I am nervous we will end up with an overflow crowd, actually, so if anyone cannot make it that day, I will be MOST understanding.

If any out-of-town guests need assistance with lodging please let me know.

Obituary - Sunday Los Angeles Times

Hello.

Andrea's obituary was in the Los Angeles Times today. Here's a link:

http://www.legacy.com/latimes/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=125994426

but the body copy follows (I kept it simple):

Andrea Petker Brothers, 52, of Glendale on April 9th after a long and valiant struggle against ovarian cancer. Born In Los Angeles, Andrea was the wife of Stan Bzura Brothers and a gracious woman of extraordinary warmth and generosity of spirit whose concern for others in all stations of life generated scores of enduring friendships. She was a longtime salesperson in the Los Angeles printing world who was recently given the lifetime achievement award from APALA. A Pitzer graduate who also had an MBA from Pepperdine, Ms. Brothers represented printers and paper companies and represented Schawk! Los Angeles at the time of her death. She is survived by husband Stan, son Jack, mother Harriet Petrisky of Los Angeles, twin sister Stephanie Sajjadieh, niece Olivia and step-mother Joyce Johnson. Details of a memorial service in late April or May will be posted at http://updateonandrea.blogspot.com


Jack and I just returned from a fun brunch and Easter Egg Hunt. It's been a quiet day, but very pleasant.

Post Post Mortem

Hello, Again.

I don't have information on the memorial service just yet because Unitarian church personnel have Good Friday and the weekend off. Check back on Monday afternoon for those details.

In talking with Dianne Kelly a few minutes ago, however, I realized that it was a mistake to have stopped posting. Lots of people want to know how Jack and I are doing, as well as Steph, Harriet, Olivia and Joyce. The answer is "Okay".
We've all had some time to cry, and will no doubt cry again, but we no one is breaking down. If they are, it's happening away from my presence and I am none the wiser. Jack has gone from asking where Mommy is to "when can we get a new Mommy"? He is outwardly unfazed, but at one point last night he said he missed Mommy. I told him "we all do" and had a brief dialog on the subject, then we went on to Legos or something else. I'm sure everyone has had some private crying time, but life does not stop. Today we sorted through Andrea's closet and drawers. I'm happy, and I'm sure Andrea would be too, to see a bunch of things go to Steph and Olivia. Harriet got a few things, as well, and Joyce wants to save a few Patagonia things when we go through the garage closets tomorrow. I took 26 garbage bags of clothes and shoes to the YWCA women's shelter store today. When the clerk saw how much stuff I had, she said "we're closed". I'm embarrassed that there is more to come, and that we have been making regular donations every few months anyway. Our Dear Andrea did not have many flaws, and I don't wish to alienate scores of female readers, but...well, draw from this what lesson you will.

I am doing fine, for the most part, keeping myself together, feeling pretty good about my mental state, talking about Andrea calmly and keeping my composure. Then something trivial sets me off and the next minute I'm not so composed any more. But I do recover fast and soon I'm calm and collected again. There's lots to keep me busy at the moment, and lots of plans and planning, which is good. We are transitioning from an Andrea-centric existence to I don't know what.

This is just a partial post, but I will add to this as thoughts occur. I'd like to get it online ASAP, so I'll stop here for now.

Thanks again for all the many forms of love sent our way. No more food, though, please. We have enough for a couple weeks now, but more importantly, my health insurance rates will be partly based on my cholesterol levels in a few months, so I need to eat well starting in...oh, two weeks.

Andrea A. Brothers 1956-2009

I'm sorry to have to tell you that Andrea stopped breathing and passed away peacefully at 9:56. I have called the hospice, Steph and Harriet.

Thank you so much for all the love you sent our way in the last few months.

Love to All.

Stan

====================

MEMORIAL SERVICE

Thanks to all for email, calls, comments and expressions of love in various forms. We are working on a couple dates for a memorial service in a few weeks. I will post the information just as soon as I know it.

S

Wednesday

Today was tough. Andrea is slipping away. She made it through one visit this morning, but afterward seemed to have a tougher and tougher time breathing and was not able to talk. Her eyes were not focusing and she often didn't seem in the moment. There are times she was, though, even if she could not express herself. I am giving her minimal drugs, just enough to ensure that she is not in pain.

More later, if anything changes.

Talk, Talk

Good Morning.

For some reason, Andrea has been talking a lot in the last 24 hours. Sometimes it made sense, as when she was talking to someone present, and sometimes it did not. But even when she was talking to someone, she could veer off course and start talking about non-sensical things. Last night she began talking, saying something every thirty seconds to a minute and it continued all night long and into the morning. It is often hard to understand Andrea now, as she is so weak and her mouth is often dry. It was even harder to understand her when she talked in her sleep. I did catch snippets though: "The bed is at an angle"; "why am I getting oxygen through the ear"; "I want to go peacefully"; "You can't do that inside the box"...
I assume this went on all night because she was doing it at 11 when I went to bed and she was doing it when I woke at 4am.

This morning, finally, she is comfortable, but I did give her a small dose of methadone when she started complaining about pain in her chest. Prior to that I moved her onto her side for a half-hour or so and massaged her back and legs lightly. Over the course of the morning I got called into the room at least twenty times to fuss with her pillows, the oxygen tube, ice water, glasses, phone, her position, etc. I finally told her I was starting to feel sympathetic to Norman Bates (The son in "Psycho").

So Ms. A is doing okay as I write. The nurse will be here in a couple hours and
we'll---

Stop the press. I just got called back into the bedroom because Andrea wanted to learn the cookie recipe on the bathroom door. Hmmm. I guess the methadone is kicking in. Andrea also said she was feeling a little queasy, so I guess we'll be back on the
phenergan track.

=====================

4pm

Nurse Linda came and went, and Andrea is napping. Nausea is not an issue at the moment, and I didn't give her any phenergan. We went over meds and discussed Andrea's breathing difficulties, state of mind, condition, but I don't think we learned that much on those scores. We may change a few dosages or meds. I asked how much Trinity would do in a final week scenario. If, for instance, Andrea needed intravenous drugs would a nurse come by twice a day? Apparently not, but one would stay 8 hours or she would have round the clock care, if necessary. So that eased my mind a little. I don't think there will be a dramatic end, though. I suspect, rather, and hope, that she will be medicated to the point where she's comfortable and pass away quietly. I'm dreading the moment when I find her no longer breathing, but I also know it will be a moment of release and relief. Andrea asked Linda to have the social worker come by for a visit, so I'm sure similar thoughts are in her mind. At one point today she said she didn't want to go on. She may have said "I'm ready to stop". I can't remember the exact words now, but we discussed how she was feeling and the meaning was clear.

Deep breath...

We'll see how she's feeling later and I'll write if anything of note happens.

Monday Morning Blues & Evening Update

Hello.

I think Andrea is in the midst of something similar to a bad trip this morning. She can barely talk, is not lucid and seems almost frightened at times. We called off one visit scheduled for today and may have to cancel other visits unless she improves. I'm hoping that will happen as the drugs in her system wear off.

I moved Andrea to a wheelchair this morning and hoped that she could sit outside for a while, but that did not happen. She just wanted to go back to bed.

Sorry to have to share such bleak news. Here's hoping for some better news later today. Whatever happens, I will share with you.

s
============Evening Update==============

I gave Andrea 1/4 of an Ativan tablet around 11:30am, thinking she'd be better after a couple hours sleep. I didn't give her the usual second dose of ritalin around noon or 1, or even methadone. She has slept most of the time since then, waking, or semi-waking for a brief period, then falling back asleep. We talked a little bit when she was mostly awake. She said she felt like a big blob and only her lungs moved. She also said she didn't feel like she had to go on living. I told her she didn't have to live for anyone else and that her feelings were totally understandable under the circumstances, but let's reassess tomorrow. I promised her we'd cut back on all the drugs so that she could have a better sense of what was happening with her body. A final note, I took Andrea off oxygen for a few minutes while I was moving her, but she did not do well. So. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Good Night

Sunday ( and it's almost church quiet )

Hello, Again.

It has been a very quiet Sunday and I'm not quite sure what to make of that. Harriet and Meredith came by for a while, and Sara and Jesse said "Hello" when dropping off Cole for a playdate with Jack, but Andrea didn't talk much today. She said she was happy just to listen to the conversation. So there were a couple periods when Andrea was alone in the bedroom for an hour or two, but she neither turned on the television nor read. She said she was content just to be alone with her thoughts. This from the woman who couldn't be alone in her car for five minutes without phoning me or someone else.

We know Andrea is getting physically weaker. She has to steel herself before I move her, then rest afterwards. She'll put off a simple turn onto her side for an hour or so because she's "not ready". On the plus side she's comfortable, and without pain or nausea. I would have given a lot for that little more than a week ago, so may it continue.

Good Night

Saturday Night's Alright

We seem to be on a roll now, quiet days and quiet ways. Andrea slept most of the morning and passed the afternoon quietly watching television with Steph or Lynne.
There's not much more to report. I did a small job and showed my prowess (or lack thereof) with a chainsaw, cutting down a few small trees for a friend. I expect a quiet evening for the three of us. I'll probably fall asleep any moment and Jack
will continue his mad progress with the Indiana Jones Lego Adventure.

I think I'll make up some news later.

Best to all...

s

Friday Night

Hi.

Just got back from Tee-ball practice, but I wanted to get something posted before getting started on something else.

Well, it's getting almost boring again: Another day for Andrea without pain or nausea or hallucinations. She is, however, getting frustrated with her body. Every movement seems to take its toll, bringing on a shortness of breath despite the oxygen being cranked to the max. Changing tops or bottoms, for instance. Or shifting off her back onto her side. Even lifting a leg onto a pillow requires extra effort and concentration and a period of rest is required before the next move.

I never gave the marinol dose last night because Andrea was sleeping. She seems to have done okay without it, though. We're waiting on some decadron, a steroid that may help Andrea both breathe better and handle nausea. I will administer tonight's bucket o'drugs soon.

Two visits today: Harriet & Joyce and Steph & Olivia. Nurse Linda is very nice but doesn't count for the official tally. I felt Andrea was fading so we had to cancel one evening visit, but we hope to make that up next week, maybe at lunchtime, if I heard correctly.

It is interesting to be at the nexus of such an interesting, loving and supportive group of people. I feel very fortunate indeed.

Congratulations to Wendy on the publication of her new children's book on kids and dogs. She was reading to groups of kids yesterday for the first time at a Washington book fair, and nervous at the prospect. All went well, though. May it be just the first of many book fairs to come, Wendy, and you mine the experience for more books or satisfying nuggets of one kind or another.

Til Tomorrow

"Almost Perfect Day"

That's what Andrea called it a few minutes ago before she drifted off to sleep. No Nausea and almost no pain until late in the day. We addressed that with a dilaudid, which probably also made her sleepy.

Judy was the only one real visitor today, aside from a brief 15 minute visit by Tammy and Frank before they graciously took Jack to see Monsters vs Aliens. They're not home yet, so I suspect a little food was involved also. I'm glad we worked on his writing assignment last night, because it's due tomorrow. Yes, kindergartners have writing assignments. Last week it was about Spring. This week it's about what kind of car you'd like, where you'd go, who and what you'd take with you.

I forgot to mention that I went to an interesting store yesterday while Joyce stayed with Andrea. It's a Habitat for Humaity "Restore", featuring used and new/donated building materials and furnishings. I got a set of nicely painted windows in great condition for our garage for $30. I'll have to paint them white (eventually) and buy a set of hinges, but I'm thrilled. Plus I have an outlet for things that I sometimes replace from client's houses and full cans of paint, of which I probably have a few
"Mistakes". Anyway, 770 N. Fair Oaks in Pasadena if you're local.

What else?....Happy Birthday Barb McD in Santa Barbara.

-o0o-

Wednesday Night

Sometimes it takes me a while to read the comments, but I just read the last of yesterday's and tonight's comments. What a treat! Thank-you for the laughs, ladies. I can't wait to read them to Andrea tomorrow. I printed the last four days blog and comments for Andrea this morning, and Harriet (one of the 4% households without a computer) was reading, too. Anyway, thanks again for all the comments. Great imagination Eli, and Irish Diane, more poetry. Speaking of...

I saw her out on the Dublin Road
She showed some leg so o'course I slowed
A fetching local lass with ewes
So I said "I'm lost" (but 'twas a ruse)
I asked the road to Balyskess
She said "why not use your G-P-S?"
Her voice had not a trace of Eire
Now which of us would be the liar?
Are you American? I said
"Born and raised, but here I wed"
Aye, well the country air does suit you
She gave a look that said adieu
then
"The States for me got a bit too noisy"
but I miss my cousin, Irish Diane of Boise.

Oh, I crack myself up. If Andrea wasn't feeling well, I doubt that I'd be in such a mood. So yes, she had another good day. A couple visitors and no pain or nausea. Very few hallucinations, but in truth, I enjoy them. There was some confusion at times, but no big deal. I'm not sure why she's doing better. Cumulative drug effect? Marinol? I have been trying to use the stomach tube more, also. I tapered back on that after the doc stopped IV fluids. Nothing going in, so why not clamp it off and make life easier for her?, I figured. Well, maybe because her body can't handle ANY extra liquid of any kind. So we'll continue that. And the phenergan. And decadron. And marinol. See how many good days we can get.

You have a good day, too.

s

Wednesday is brisket day

I wish, but more about that in a moment. Andrea had a normal night's sleep and is resting comfortably this morning. She awoke from a dream in which she didn't have cancer and all the kids at school were making fun of her. I think that's interesting from a number of standpoints. Andrea was upset, though, and wanted confirmation that she did indeed have cancer. She seems lucid this morning, and is pain and nausea free for the most part, but the off-the-wall thoughts keep coming anyway. For instance, when I walked into the bedroom a minute ago to give her copies of what I'd written for the blog and what you fans have written, she asked me if I'd made the trip to Gelsons for the brisket and if it was all sliced and laid out. I hated to break the news to her that there was no brisket. Now I'm hungry.

More later.

S

Happy Tuesday / Tues. Night

Hi, All.

I started this morning's post last night, so it mistakenly says "Monday" above the "Thanks, Patagonia People" at the bottom of this post, but I was writing about this morning.

We had a good day today. A nice visit with Nancy and no nausea to speak of, minimal pain and a fair amount of lucidity, although Andrea just told me she had consulted with Dolly Parton about what to wear to some lunch this weekend, because, you know, it's going to be hot. This after we were talking normally about the night's pills and other routine things. Very different. When Andrea told me about the conversation with Dolly Parton she already knew it wasn't real.

So what WOULD Dolly Parton wear to a hot-weather lunch?

I don't know, but she might have a root-beer float, as Andrea did today. She had a sudden craving, so of course I was off to the store in a flash. I don't think she drank much, but she said it was good.

Ms. Brothers declined an Ambien tonight, but I still have a slight headache, so maybe I'll take something.

Sleep well.

Thanks, Patagonia People

Good Morning.

First off, we are/I am remiss in not acknowledging some very generous donations by friends at Patagonia who have covered the costs of making the "Life Chronicles" video. Extra thanks to Val Franco who set this up, too. I was going to send a check after I got the still photos ready to add to the final video, but I haven't gotten my act together on this task yet. So much to go through. Now I guess that check will be an extra donation, but it's worth it for Jack and others to come to have that video, so thank-you, thank-you, thank-you.

The latest Andrea news is a mixed bag. Andrea started having nausea issues around 7 last night and vomited around 8. I gave her an Ativan, but she stayed awake or somewhat awake for the next few hours. I think her body wanted to sleep, but she wanted to watch "House" and "The Closer". She drifted off during the latter show, and I went to bed shortly after. I woke a little before 2am either because Andrea was talking in her sleep or I was getting a headache. In any event, Andrea continued talking almost non-stop for the next two hours. Food, work (a constant theme), cancer, friends. After two hours I split an Ambien and popped half in her mouth and half in mine. I slept until 6:30, but Andrea is still sleeping at almost 9:30. We shall see what the rest of the day brings.

12 O'clock High

Hello, Again.

Yes, "12 O'colock high". And 10 and 11 and 1 and 2. I guess I overdid the medication this morning because our gal was high all day. There were moments of lucidity, but Andrea was seeing things all day long. Examples: "Did you bring the cookies to work?".."Weren't there two sticks of butter on the night table"..."Did you see those birds fly over" and on and on. The good thing is that there has been no pain and no nausea all day long. I think we can cut back on the medication and bring her down a little. I'll just have to figure out what the right dosage is for each of the three drugs she's getting that can cause hallucinations. It HAS been amusing, and I'm so glad we have a day without pain, but we do want the real Andrea back. Or maybe Andrea after a glass of wine.

Same old Same old...

Another difficult day, though Andrea has been sleeping for the last couple hours with the help of phenergan, marinol and methadone. She was nauseous from the moment she woke, but she did sleep through the night. She also complained of shortness of breath/difficulty with breathing and is worried about the trend. Will it get to the point where she has to struggle to take a breath? It is possible we'll need to up the drug amounts to keep her comfortable. We did move her back into the bedroom, which took some logistical planning, a wheelchair and a break. The hospital bed just didn't work out that well. The mattress is not comfortable and the adjustments are problematic. It is a little easier for Jack and I to carry on with our days if she's in the bedroom, but our convenience is secondary, if that.

No visitors today, but Joyce came by for a couple hours while I took Jack out. We'll see how she does tomorrow.

That's it. I wish I had more positive news to report. I'll add a few lines tonight if Andrea feels any better.

Saturday

This Saturday has not turned out as I'd hoped, but how much can you expect from a day that has the word "turd" spelled out right in the middle of it? Okay, that was a bit much, but the day hasn't been very kind to Andrea. She did get a little visiting in this morning, but she's been sore and/or uncomfortable a good part of the day and thrown up three times. I'm finally understanding where a good part of the nausea comes from: the device implanted in her stomach. There seems to be a bulb of sorts inside the stomach and anytime it moves Andrea experiences some nausea. Other factors are at work, but any movement of the device just seems to trigger a reaction. I will go online later and see what others have experienced.

So it has not been a great day. Sarah S. kindly came by again while Jack and I went to a Tee-ball game. Lynne and Karen O'neil stopped by for a low-key hour, also. And Steph and Eric hung out for a good part of the afternoon. It took all three of us to move Andrea off her bed and into the recliner while we changed her mattress. Not sure if she'll be any happier with the change, but "we'll see" (as my mother said a thousand times).

What else? Another prescription for nausea arrives late tonight. Phenergan. It may work similarly to Ativan (nausea relief at the expense of wakefulness), but..."we'll see". Andrea is sleeping now (6pm) and has been sleeping for the past couple hours. I suspect she's down for the night, but sometimes she surprises me.

Hope your Saturday is a happy one.

S

===============

10:15

Andrea woke at 8 and vomited several times. Phenergan suppositories arrived and were duly inserted. Andrea drifted back to sleep but woke a few times and asked non-sensical questions, in one case something about a book. In another she said something about "wonderful colors". I hope her dreams are happy ones. Yours too.

-o0o-

Friday

The name Friday comes from the Old English frigedæg, meaning the day of Frige the Anglo-Saxon form of Frigg, a West Germanic translation of Latin dies Veneris, "day (of the planet) Venus." However, in most Germanic languages the day is named after Freyja—such as Frīatag in Old High German, Freitag in Modern German, Freyjudagr in Old Norse, Vrijdag in Dutch, Fredag in Swedish, Norwegian, and Danish—but Freyja and Frigg are frequently identified with each other.

The word for Friday in most Romance languages is derived from Latin dies Veneris, "day (of the planet) Venus" (a translation of Greek Aphrodites hemera) such as vendredi in French, venerdì in Italian, viernes in Spanish, and vineri in Romanian. In most of the Indian languages, Friday is Shukravar (or a derived variation of Sukravar), named for Shukra, the Sanskrit name of the planet Venus. In other Indo-European languages the day is not related to the planet Venus. Russian uses an ordinal number for this day of the week-- piatnítsa, meaning "fifth." Similarly, the Portuguese is sexta-feira, the sixth day. ....

Okay, lesson over. This IS Friday, so I don't see how anyone could possibly accuse me of padding this post. Actually, I'm stalling. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this day did not start out well. I better just get on with it. Andrea woke with a lot of pain in her chest, which got worse when she took a deep breath. I gave her a bigger dose of methadone and a dilaudid, but she still was in quite a bit of pain for hours. In addition, she said her shoulderblade hurt. I decided we need to get her out to the hospital bed in the living room for a change of scenery, a different mattress, a more easily adjustable bed and a kind of air bed that uses a pump to stimulate parts of the body in waves or something so as to reduce the chances of getting bed sores. Moving Andrea was a short ordeal, but we used a wheelchair and I enlisted Lynne's help to get her moved without extra pain. And there she lies now, talking with Judy and Mary Ellen, but for how long I'm not sure. She seemed kind of dopey to me a few minutes ago.

A nurse came by a little after noon and checked on Andrea. She didn't have any explanations for the pain, but did take notes to give to Dr. Vielma (also known as Dr. Issac). We'll see what develops . I'm about ready to fall asleep, but I have to go get Andrea's car from the dealership and coach T-Ball at 4:30. Maybe I can fall asleep for a few minutes...

More later.














Today did not start or

Thursday Morning / Evening

Good Morning.

We've had a good start to the day. Andrea is alert and chatting with Angela (from Patagonia)and hasn't mentioned pain or nausea except briefly after a bathroom break.

One positive thing I haven't mentioned is that Andrea is getting oxygen and it seems to help. She has one of those little plastic tubes in her nose and a machine tucked away in the closet pumping away. It seems to help with nausea and also makes breathing easier. We know the tumor/s are all around the stomach, creating pressure, and probably now the lungs, too, which makes taking a breath harder. Not a pleasant thought, but most likely a reality.

More later.
===================

Hello Again.

It's been a relatively quiet afternoon and evening for Andrea. Joyce stayed with Andrea for a few hours at mid-day, which allowed me to leave the house for a doctor's appointment and a quick half-hour at Helmut and Laura's in Hollywood (some of the nicest people I know and clients, to boot). A social worker from the hospice care came by to check in on Andrea, then Steph came by around 5 and hung out until 7. Andrea watched television for a little while, then asked to be hooked up to the oxygen again as she was feeling a tightness in her stomach. The pressure hasn't gone away as of 9:30. I gave Andrea an Ambien, so I'm hoping she'll sleep through the night. We'll see what tomorrow brings, besides a few visitors and T-ball practice.

So. Quiet is good. And no vomiting all day = good, also. Another couple days like this and I'll have to start posting vacation slides and mother's recipes (if I could ever read her writing).

Good Night

Wednesday

There's a light at the end of the tunnel, but boy what a long tunnel it's been. I guess the marinol didn't set that well in Andrea's stomach, so she woke at 2am with nausea issues and was mostly awake between 2 and 5 trying not to vomit. I gave her 1/2 a tablet of Ativan at that point, thinking she'd sleep until noon, but she woke at 7 am or thereabouts. Ativan having anti-nausea properties, I then gave her a decadron (also anti-nausea) and ritalin, figuring she'd be able to keep the drugs down, but it was not to be. She vomited within 15 minutes. In desperation, I then gave a cocktail of drugs via the...uh...alternative entry point: marinol, ritalin, decadron and dilaudid with a BRD suppository to hold everything in place. (For the pharmaceutically curious, I would have given methadone instead of dilaudid, but we only have that methadone in liquid form.) It seems to have worked. Andrea slept for a few hours and then said she felt much better. She's sitting up and chatting with Harriet and Alice as we speak. I even saw a smile.

So. No odd cravings and no weird effects from the marinol, except she did wake at 10 and try to phone Eric to tell him that she was bleeding in the stomach. It was probably just a dream she was waking from, though, and she went back to sleep. Perhaps the unconscious was telling her that all was not well in the stomach. Marinol IS supposed to be given with food (did I say that yesterday?) but obviously that's not an option, unless a tablespoon of yogurt or ice cream qualifies.

I'll post more tonight.

=============

Okay, it's night, 9pm. Andrea is drifting off to sleep with another drug cocktail inside her. It was a good afternoon and evening comfort-wise, but as I was moving her out of her wheelchair and onto the toilet her legs gave out on her and she sank to the floor. Apparently, Andrea can no longer even stand with assistance. It took a good five minutes to get her up on the toilet and she was totally winded by the effort. And depressed. It took a couple more minutes to get her into bed, and in the process she lay on the G-tube coming out of her stomach for a minute, which is not a good thing. She still weighs a hundred fifty pounds or so, despite legs and arms as thin as can be, so she's difficult to move around. I hate to think how much weight the tumor/s account for. Anyway, I will have to essentially carry her now. Perhaps a catheter is in store. We'll see. I just hope we don't repeat tonight's drama. If it does, I think we'll need to call in more and regular assistance from nurses.

Looking on the bright side, we had no more vomiting after this morning, and with any luck, none tomorrow at all.

Good night.

Tuesday Night

Sorry I didn't get to this sooner. We had friends over for dinner tonight and I didn't even think about the blog until my head hit the pillow. Can't leave my loyal fan base in the dark, now, can I?

The last time I thought about the blog was somewhere around 4pm. I was thinking it's been a good day: a couple of short visits, some discomfort but no bad pain, and nausea at a mild level. A few minutes later Andrea threw up. Poop. I gave her some of the latest meds and she didn't seem too bad afterwards, visiting with friends for awhile and drinking ice water.

The good news (we hope) is that the prescription for marinol came through and the first pill has been taken. We won't know for awhile what the effects are, other than the listening to be-bop, wearing dark glasses and _______________(submit your own punch line here).

A common side effect is sedation, so we are going easy on the dosage so as not to put our gal to sleep. Your faithful correspondent will report tomorrow.

Good Night

Monday, Monday..

Andrea is watching "House" as I sit down to the computer, a rarity of late. Usually she is too tired to watch TV at this hour, something I didn't anticipate when I called the cable company to order EVERYTHING but sports and the Playboy channel. She doesn't even watch TV in the daytime. HBO, Cinemax, Starz and everything else--wasted.

Well, despite the interest in "House", "wasted" almost describes the day. Harriet, Joyce and Olivia all came by for a visit this morning, and Bob Garcia from Schawk came by for a few minutes at lunchtime, but Andrea didn't feel that well all day. The new drug wasn't effective at curbing the nausea and we had to resort to dilaudid at one point for pain. Andrea LOOKED okay, but it was a struggle all day. I can't even remember if she threw up. I think she did, but the days have begun to blur together. I do know she had the container ready on several oocasions. I've asked the doctor for a marinol prescription to combat the nausea. That drug is extracted from marijuana, I believe. I wouldn't care if it came from Lemur piss, as long as it worked. We'll see what news the nurse brings tomorrow.

I did not accomplish much today, not that I have to, but it does feel good to have done something. Maybe after I write and put Jack to bed. I did some homework with the lad and we got through six books, but that's about it. He did have a playdate with Saaya, which was nice. Saaya has a little pink electric car. Jack apparently expressed some reservation about driving a pink car, but he got over it quickly.

Gabe sent a bunch of photos taken last week. I'm posting a couple here. The one photo of me looks like I'm giving the ump a serious bit of hell, but I'm actually congratulating someone on a hit. I'm sorry you can't see the collection of photos Gabe took while documenting the work of the Grameen Foundation in Ecuador and Bangladesh in recent weeks. Many of you know that this organization facilitates micro-lending in the developing world, but it is also my favorite charity.

Nothing much else of note today, but thank you Prudential Insurance for your check.

Good Night.

Sunday

I just put some brown rice on to cook and that takes about 40 minutes, so maybe I can put that time to good use. (There's frozen Tikka Masala slowly thawing and warming in the double boiler, by the way, a gift from a visiting friend and reader--and you know who you are)

If Sunday is a day of rest, Andrea is getting it. She's been sleeping or dozing most of the day and is again as I write. The good part is that Andrea hasn't thrown up all day. The bad part is that she woke somwhere between 1 and 2 last night and felt nauseous again. She went back to sleep after chewing another Ativan. Sometime around 7:30 she woke and we had a conversation mostly with gestures that told me she wanted to use the toilet. I helped her over to the toilet, but she couldn't keep her eyes open, couldn't talk and seemed to have some odd twitching motion and a balance problem. She couldn't even drink from a bottle with a sports top, so I started to think something serious was going on. A mini-stroke, or heart malfunction or something odd. I got her back to bed and back to sleep, but the whole experience was a little unerving and I called off three visits today as a result of Andrea's diminished capacity to interact with others.

Perhaps Ativan causes something similar to hallucinations because early this morning she asked me who won the costume contest last night. Then she asked if Melinda had left yet (she wasn't here), and another time asked me to make some changes to the type in the box. I said I would, lol.

Andrea took a double dose of ritalin this morning, but it doesn't seem to have given her any get-up-and-go. Maybe the doctor has another suggestion.

Steph and Eric, Joyce and Harriet stopped by for lunch, which was nice. Harriet has developed the habit of emptying her wallet every other day for provisions, or imagined provisional needs. We could probably do quite nicely for two weeks on what is in the fridge and freezer, though.

That's it for today. Have a good evening.

s

PS: Just for the heck of it I posted a photo of Jack playing with his design blocks and one of Andrea's APALA award.

Cloudy Skies Today...

Hello, Again.

It's been a difficult day for Andrea. She vomited at 5am and a couple times later in the day, so the fight against nausea and pain continues. Problem is, we may be running out of ammunition. Pain is under control at the moment (via a dilaudid suppository when the methadone didn't help), but we're waiting on a call back from the hospice doctor about the nausea. Based on our last conversation with him, I suspect there aren't many drug options remaining. The only relief comes from sleep via Ativan. I just gave an Ativan pill that would dissolve quickly in the average person's mouth, but her mouth is so barren of moisture that it came out whole after a couple minutes. If you tried to talk with Andrea over the phone, you know that her dry mouth condition has made it hard to understand her, and sips of water only help for a short time. Actual drinking would worsen the nausea, unfortunately.

========

The word from Dr. Vielma is more Ativan tonight as needed and then Dexy-something will be delivered tomorrow. That's the "D" substance in the BRD suppository already being taken. I sure hope it works.

So as not to leave you on too bleak a note, a quick Jack story: This morning he asked if a tooth could come out for a dollar. I asked him if he had a loose tooth, but he said "no". I laughed and assured him there were many other ways to get a dollar.

I thought he had a good time at today's T-Ball game (he seemed very happy and all the emphasis is on fun), but he still says he doesn't like baseball. Hmmmm.


Good Night.

TGIF (?)

I'm becoming sympathetic to the writers from the Washington Post and New York Times who made up stories. When it's a slow news day (or the equivalent at 512 La Loma Rd.), I start to think that my readers will become bored and drop off one by one. Back when I had to choose stories for a television newscast, I had to select which stories from the newswires to use. Today's selection would look like the following.

- Former boss Larry Moses visits; leads Andrea through an entertaining conversational hour.
- Bags of Jolly Ranchers delivered; watermelon the hit flavor.
- T-Ball practice game a success; skinned knee hobbles first baseman.
- Nurse Linda visits; bad perfume on predecessor subject of discussion.
- Liz and Gabe return to Massachusetts amidst tears and laughter

--- Break ---

I walked away from the computer for an hour to make dinner for Jack and attend Andrea, who wanted to try a little food. We ran some mac and cheese through the Cuisinart, resulting in a glue-like paste that was not a success. Tried pureeing peaches, but I ended up with peach nectar. By the time I finished doing that Andrea
was in some discomfort/pain and no longer interested in food. Her stomach is bloated and the skin is balloon tight, almost certainly from the tumor. Also, I am now noticing a purplish rash that I didn't see earlier today. So things are going downhill quickly tonight. I gave some pain medication and suspect our gal is out for the night.

Jack is watching The Incredibles ("I've been thinking about them all day"). I'll fold some laundry, have some dinner and try not to think about the growing mass inside Andrea's mid-section that is making her skin painful to the touch. Even blankets can be uncomfortable. How quickly things go from lightness to dark. May tomorrow bring a return of lightness. We can always increase pain meds, but we don't want Andrea in a stupor, either. So that's how it is here: one hour at a time, one day at a time...

Thursday Night Update

Darn those dry heaves. We got Andrea to bed last night with the help of some drugs, but she woke at 2am and had another episode. It was over fairly quick, but only because I got a half tablet of Atavan in her. She was sleeping soundly at 5am, so instead of waking her I used the eye dropper to give her the usual dose of methadone between her open lips. I didn't wake her at 7 for Ritalin, with the result that she slept until noon. I woke her up just a few minutes prior to a visit with Paul V. They had a nice visit while I made a quick run to Trader Joes. Later in the day long time friend Meredith stopped by, and 2nd cousin Chris Leavens (a talented artist and teacher) with very pregnant teacher/wife Adriana. Andrea slipped into another nap somewhere along the way, which was fine.

Liz and Gabe made a lovely dinner, with Steph, Eric and Olivia gracing our table. I wheeled Andrea out to join us for an hour or so before she tired and asked to return to her hospital bed in the living room. We had coffee there, lots of laughs and yet another go at the containers of luscious frozen custard sent from Wisconsin by the generous Steph Raasch. I think we're down to 5 containers.

And thus one more day passes. With any luck Andrea will sleep through the night and get the usual dose of ritalin to help boost her system through the day's guests. We'll be sorry to see Liz and Gabe go, but it's been another great visit. Gabe took some amazing photos, which we hope to post here soon. He shoots raw images instead of jpegs, which make it harder to swap easily, otherwise they'd be on this screen already. But it will happen.

Good Night / Good Morning

G'Day.

Wednesday

Hi, All.

I had a headache yesterday evening and went to bed at 8:30 without writing anything. I'm better now.

Yesterday was another good day and a busy one. Andrea thinks the Ritalin is making a difference, giving her more energy. Andrea had nice visits with Lisa Durkin, Linda and Curt, Steph, Tammy, Olivia and Liz and Gabe at different times. Nurse Harriet came by, too.
I don't think Andrea napped, but she did sleep for a few hours in the evening.

Today is officially a no-visitor day. The phone rang a lot this morning, but we have it turned off in the bedroom. Andrea is sleeping now (noon). Last time I saw her she was looking at photos Gabe took at Jack's T-Ball game and during a visit to Jack's class.

Andrea said something funny during her last visit with Liz. The two were talking about the loving relationship (outwardly, anyway!) Andrea and I have and Liz started to tear up, whereupon Andrea remarked "I love to make people cry" and they both had a good laugh.

More later.

Okay, It's later. 9 o'clock, to be precise

Andrea had time and energy to go online and check our finances today (a favorite thing to do), so I put her in the wheelchair and brought her to the office. A series of events conspired to make the time less than satisfying, but she made the effort and went back to bed, fielding a long series of phone calls from while supine. Most of the rest of the day passed uneventfully, though the dry heaves were back this evening on a couple occasions. Even so, it was an okay day. We did get word of a special award being given Andrea tomorrow morning by a representative of the APALA, (an association of the printing world) so we have that to look forward to, plus a string of guests. I'll keep you posted.

The Longest Day

Andrea lasted longer than I did today. She started out the day with a visit from Linda and a shower, then visited with Liz and Gabe before they went off to the Getty Villa, then Nancy arrived and Judy an hour later. The gals visited, had lunch (nothing for Andrea) and helped Andrea with some insurance issues. At that point I took a nap, but Andrea lasted until 5:30 or so. She is sleeping now (at 6:15pm) and I suspect she will sleep until tomorrow morning. I helped a couple clients briefly and got some badly needed lawn mowing and housework in, so I'll sleep better, too.

That's it. Nothing awful, nothing great happened today, although I think it's great when Andrea has a good day. Hope you did as well.

s

Sunday

Laughter echoes from the bedroom again and again as I sit down at the computer. What are they laughing about in there? I don't know and I don't care. I want to hear more, more and then more again. The cast changes, but someone's always on the bed and others are gathered near in chairs. Andrea had her nap and may drift off again at any time, but she is surrounded by love, so nothing else matters right now.

It guess it's redundant to note that it's been a good day so far. Harriet, Joyce, Steph, Olivia and Liz and Gabe were here this morning to welcome Lily and the boys to brunch. Cousin Alison came later. I wheeled Andrea out and she lasted about an hour, then retired to the bedroom with Lily. She's been there ever since, but did manage a two hour nap or so in between the changing entourage of adoring fans. She's going to be hard to live with now, but I'll try to find a way.

The Queen had no pain to speak of today, but the G-tube in her stomach is uncomfortable at times. No nausea thus far. Andrea munched ice chips from time to time, but nothing else.

May tomorrow hold as much laughter and love.

Saturday

Hi, Everyone.

It's a pleasure to write for such a receptive audience. Thanks for all the nice comments you passed on. Okay, okay I will post info on Jack's Coverdell college fund account in the next few days. You'll have to send the checks to us instead of directly to TIAA-CREF, so I can allocate them to 2008 or 2009.

Andrea is doing very well today and in good spirits. She was cracking up Harriet this morning and had a laughter filled hour or so with my sister Liz and Gabe before we went off to Jack's T-Ball game. And, judging by the smiles on cousin's Alison and Susan face, their visit after we left was a great one also. Steph and Olivia were here for that, then all four went to lunch. Andrea slept for a couple hours and rested for another two. I am getting ready for dinner and a little more visiting this evening before Andrea's bedtime, which varies from 4pm to 8pm, depending how she feels.

I'm off to unload the dishwasher and make some pizzas, and don't say you're not jealous!

=================

Sat 11PM

Had a nice evening with Steph and Eric and Liz and Gabe. I got Andrea into a wheelchair for the first time and wheeled her out for a good part of the dinner.She didn't eat or drink anything, but she appreciated being there and just getting out of the bedroom for awhile. Unfortunately, she vomited before going to bed, but it was over fairly quickly and she went to sleep soon after taking half an Ativan tablet.

Birthmom Lily and her two boys are stopping by tomorrow for a brunch playdate. Lily has been great, calling almost every day to check on Andrea. One of the nicest things she ever said to Andrea was that she has no regrets about placing Jack with us, even with the cancer. I can't think of the right way to say how amazing that is.

More visits are in store later in the day, but everyone seems aware how tired Andrea gets now, so we'll work things out somehow. I know several people want to see her and are just waiting for the right time, so I hope we can schedule a few more visits
this week and then give Andrea a day off.

Thanks again for all the comments.

S

Friday

It was a pretty good day today. Since the doctor stopped the IV fluids there has been almost no nausea. The pain has been minimal or manageable, so that's a definite improvement. On the down side, Andrea does not have the strength to stand up or even shift around in bed unaided. Her mouth is constantly dry and the mental fog continues. Among the off-the-wall questions I've been asked in the last 24 hours are: "How did you get into this organization?", "Why are we in Phoenix?" and "Why are they doing a Christmas tree in March?" I do laugh and enjoy these comments, just as I found it so amusing that Jack said he wanted to go to Africa and have hot cocoa.

Still, Andrea got through the day and had pleasant visits with several people

The request for time with Andrea is unending. I am trying to work in people as best I can, but I think the visits have to get shorter, too. And maybe start to have people say "good-bye" to Andrea. I'll talk with her about that in the morning. If she gets so weak she can't speak, visits may be counter-productive. Anyone who has constructive thoughts on this can shoot me an email.

I removed the post about Jack's college fund. No one said anything, and people did ask, but it seems as if I had a hand out, and I cringed every time I saw it, so out it goes.

Lastly tonight, I want to thank everyone who wrote with Andrea stories big and small.
I know she was loved, but Jack doesn't, so I'll print out each one and save them for him.

Enjoy your weekend.

s

Early Morning - Thursday

Wednesday began badly for Andrea. On awakening she tried to get out of bed by herself, fell and couldn't get up. I found her 20 minutes later at 6am, teary and upset on the floor. I gave her a shower to help wash the memory away, re-bandaged her, gave her meds and put her back to bed. We had had an agreement that she was supposed to summon me if she wanted to get out of bed, but apparently she couldn't find the button in the dim light of the room. No serious damage from the fall, but we now sleep with a light near her bedside and I bought a baby monitor to hear Andrea at all times.

The rest of the day was uneventful. A little visiting with family and sleeping, but we touched on some important subjects along the way. Basically, Andrea asked Steph and me if she could "let go". We said "yes", of course. I don't think she meant at that hour, but soon. Only she will know when that hour arrives, but I hope that with some new drugs we're trying she will be more comfortable and alert and we can postpone the inevitable. There was only one real bout of nausea yesterday, but it passed. We dealt with the pain by administering a little extra methadone. It worked, but it produces some mild hallucination and confusion. Andrea often doesn't know what day or time it is, for example. She asked if her bottle of water had a child-safe cap another time. I admit I've struggled with some bottle tops that were hard to get off, but at the time I don't think the cap on hers was on.

Jack and I had a talk about Mommy dying, but he was very calm. I was too, mostly, but it was clearly much harder for me than him. He knows, but he doesn't. A social worker for the hospice will be by late today. Maybe she can help explain it all.

I'm starting to think about an appropriate time and venue for a memorial service for Andrea. There's no rush, and seeing as how we are not religious, a Tea might be the most Andrea-like. Where to have a Tea for 200-300 people is the question. Anyone with thoughts on this is free to opine (stanbrothers@gmail).

Thanks for all your gracious comments on past posts.

Well, it's 6am and Thursday is breaking. We shall see what awaits. (Now why is it called "Thurs"-day?....Hmmm. I'm off to Wikipedia)

Sleeping, Sleeping..

A quiet day. The doctor saw Andrea this morning and got the G-tube fixed. She promptly went back to sleep and dozed most of the day. For Andrea night and day have merged. She sleeps or dozes most of the time now, and occasionally has brief hallucinations. Out of curiosity, I looked up a few poems about sleep, thinking I may borrow a line or two to lift the level of prose here. I promptly stole a few lines from Robert Louis Stevenson's "Land of Nod" and went off on my own journey.

From morning on through most the day
At home among my friends I stay,
My day is night, I glide the streams
Up the mountainside of dreams
I’m home and yet I am abroad
Far into the land of Nod
The strangest things are there for me
Yet strange again my own journey
As daylight fades and night draws near
My destination now is clear
And dreams once brisk slow to a creep
Along this final mile to sleep

Early Morning Comment

Good morning.

I hadn't looked back at the comments for several days, but just did. I'm happy to learn that this modest venue and my matter-of- fact writing is actually working out well, so thanks for all your comments.

Everyone seems to like the photo of Andrea I chose, which is great. I too think it captures her beauty and personality perfectly. It was taken last Summer at Yosemite. Now why would someone be dressed up wearing pearls and a black dress at Yosemite? Melinda knows, because we were either on the way to her wedding in the Park, or had just come from it.

From happy memories of the past I now fast-forward to the less than happy present. We had an unfortunate episode in the night. Andrea got up to go to the bathroom, lost her balance and somehow fell into the bath tub. She hit her head on the shower chair and was embarrassed, but no real damage was done, thankfully. It was a sobering moment. I will be hesitant to leave the house now unless someone strong enough to help her up is here.

Monday Blues

7:30 and we made it through another day.

The day began slowly, with Andrea weak and fighting nausea. She was mentally tired as well, from the strain of day after day fighting nausea, weakness, swelling (her left leg is considerably larger) and pain. The weakness has gotten serious. At one point today Andrea was on the floor of the bathroom dealing with dry heaves. When she tried to get up she could not manage by herself, a new development.

Dr. Vielma could not come today to address the swelling and broken G-tube stitch, but he will be here first thing in the morning. In the meantime I have the tube taped tightly and immobile (with the help of an invention that yesterday's nurse said I should patent). We'll see, lol.

We had a visit from longtime friend Nancy Friedman to look forward to, but we knew, and Nancy knew, that much of the time she was here Andrea would just be sleeping. And that's what happened. Late in the day Andrea got out of bed and walked into the kitchen, a rare occurrence lately. Andrea said she wanted to push the limits (or something similar).

It is very hard to hear Andrea on the phone, so anyone who calls can expect to hear little more than whispers and a mostly one-sided conversation. I'd love to have her get her voice back, but it may not happen.

Cards continue to come in the mail everyday. Thanks to all who wrote. We also got the weekly disability check from the insurance company today, a minor highlight of our week. In hindsight, we wish Andrea had gone on disability earlier, but she liked her work and her clients and was functioning almost normally right up until the last hospital admittance. The only thing abnormal was her taking to bed almost as soon as she got home in the last couple months. I know it was a big disappointment to Andrea that she could not work with her old boss Vince, who started the a week or two after she left.

Jack had a playdate today and was happy about that. I put off today's work for another day and finished cleaning out the closet I started on yesterday. Talk about satisfying work!

Good night all.



from

Sunday, March 8

Well, we've had worse days. Another roller coaster day it was. Andrea woke in the middle of the night all wet in the stomach area. We thought that something had happened to her IV line, so I flushed it, re-connected and went back to bed. At 5 am we had a repeat performance, but she was obviously leaking profusely from the G-tube in her stomach. Upon further examination I discovered a stitch had pulled out. After some clean-up (I'll spare you the details), I taped the flange back in place, bandaged the area with extra gauze and a new white washcloth and called the night nurse. She arranged for the day nurse to come after 8 am.

The rest of the day wasn't bad, but there was some nausea and the usual result. We are eliminating some medicines that don't control the nausea and doubling up on others.
Harriet, Steph and Linda stopped by at various times. Andrea didn't talk much (She can't seem to get her voice much above a whisper), but the ladies all enjoyed watching a video made last Sunday of Andrea talking about her life with (separately) Jack, me, Harriet and Steph. Unfortunately she ran out of steam and never got to talk with Joyce or Olivia on camera.

The nurse's visit this afternoon was pretty much a waste of time. I do a better job of bandaging Andrea than she does, which doesn't seem right. And as I suspected, only a doctor can put in the stitches. So we'll have to wait until Monday for that.

It's is now almost 8pm. Andrea has had her nightime meds and is falling asleep as she and Steph watch some old episode of "House", their favorite show. This is actually the latest she's been up all week.

I'm cleaning a closet (I can't take all this excitement!) and Jack is playing his new Lego Star Wars video game (courtesy of Diane and Roberto).

Good Night

The Slugger @ Rest

Saturday, March 7

Hello Again.

Another less than perfect day. Andrea wasn't feeling well at the 5am Methadone dosage, so she had a half-dose of Ativan, and ended up sleeping/dozing for the better part of the day. She was weak, had dry-mouth and could not speak that easily, so we canceled all visits for today. She rallied a little bit tonight and was awake for an hour, but lingering stomach pain (perhaps caused in part by a G-Tube stitch that pulled out) prompted us to use a half-dose of dilaudid at 7, so she is slowly going down for the count, although last time I looked in the bedroom she was watching tv.. With any luck, tomorrow will bring more lucidity. We have scheduled a visit from the nurse to talk about medications and stitch, but I am not holding out any hope for a huge improvement. We'd be happy with anything at this point. I just got delivery of a drug to pep her up a little, so we'll see how that works.

In other news, Jack had his first T-Ball game today. He didn't like his team's new St. Louis Cardinals uniform before the game. Afterward(s?) he decided it was okay. Jack knocked down a few ground balls and did okay at bat. For the uninitiated, they don't count runs or outs in T-Ball and it was laugh-a-minute and wild. Some of the kids don't yet know where to run, when to run, what to do with the ball and more. Having fun is the main objective and I think we achieved that. I say "we" because I am a coach.

I used the extra time today to do a little housecleaning and work. Exciting stuff. Stay tuned.

Welcome

Hi, Everyone.

I started this blog to let everyone know what is going on with Andrea. I will try and update it at least every other day.

For those of you who don't know, Andrea has terminal ovarian cancer. The cancer spread to such an extent that her intestines could no longer process food. Unfortunately, her body (mostly her blood) could not tolerate normal doses of chemotherapeutic drugs, mostly as a result of the stem cell procedure she underwent to beat breast cancer years ago. That procedure involved killing the bone marrow and rebuilding it. It worked, but because her marrow was once compromised, it never functioned as well again. Smaller doses of drugs were tried, but they were not sufficient to stop the tumor growth. We have a high degree of confidence in both the doctors Andrea was seeing (Cedars Sinai and UCLA), but there came a time when her condition was no longer treatable. We accepted that conclusion and are as comfortable with the ultimate outcome as we can be.

Andrea is now a hospice patient at home and receiving a variety of drugs to make her as comfortable as possible. She eats virtually nothing, drinks very little and is on an IV from 7 pm to 7 am. She's very weak and sleeps much of the day. Fighting nausea is a daily battle, which she often loses. We are trying different medications, but so far nothing we have found works well.

We've been getting 20 to 30 phone calls a day asking about Andrea, which is wonderful but overwhelming. Andrea doesn't have the energy to make many phone calls or see everyone she would like to. Some days she doesn't want to see anyone, she just wants to sleep. She doesn't eat, read, watch television or do much of anything except doze or talk with whoever is visiting. Even on good days (a relative term) Andrea only sips a small amount of juice or broth at a time. As a result, she is losing weight slowly.

Today, Friday the 6th, Andrea woke a few times but drifted back off to sleep and didn't get out of bed until close to noon. Harriet came by around 9:30 and a nurse came by around 10:30. Diane and Roberto are here from Idaho and visited with Andrea from late morning until 3pm---a good day. Niece Olivia stopped by to chat, as did friend Judy. I worked until almost 2 and then joined everyone in the living room (we have a hospital bed set up there). Steph stopped by around 2 and stayed until Andrea fell asleep around 3 or 3:30. A few hours later Andrea woke in some pain, she took some dilaudid, vomited a short while later, took some Ativan and has been sleeping ever since.

Tomorrow, Saturday the 7th, three visits are on tap (besides family), but I have advised people that Andrea may or may not be able to see them. It's hard to know how she'll be feeling ahead of time. There's a strong chance she'll be groggy.

I will add to this in time and try to update it often, but for now I'm just going to post what I've written. I know how many of you love Andrea, and you know she loves you, but she is often overwhelmed by the number of calls, emails and visits. Thus, this blog. I will try and answer any questions you have and keep you informed.

Jack and I are doing fine, though I don't think the enormity of the situation has sunk in for him. I will be talking with him from time to time to gauge where his level of understanding. For now, he is excited by all the visitors and the opportunities for play here and at friends houses. We have had numerous offers of help and support, but the truth is that we don't need much. I am working less, but often find the change of pace and place welcome. And thankfully, disability insurance payments make working optional. Hindsight being 20-20, I now wish Andrea had gone on disability sooner, but who knew? Let this be a reminder to enjoy life while you can.

Okay, that's it for my first post.

Good night.

Stan